Learning To Deal
by Kenzi.got.love
Summary: Jane realizes her feelings for Billy, but doesn't want to be the reason, yet again, he breaks up with another girl. She doesn't want to be his problem, but Billy just wants his best friend back. Jane has to figure out how to deal with her feelings and what to do about her job.. Will she keep it? Follow Jane as she learns to deal with it all and Billy as he tries to get Jane back.
1. Feelings Suck

So, I'm basically just so angry at ABC Family right now. What in the world? I've been writing so much for my favorite couple and NOTHING IS RIGHT. Until this, and even this may not be right, but I need to write this for my own sanity.. I loved Jane and Billy, they had something so special that I've always dreamed of having. Please rant about the whole cancelled thing in a review, I will gladly rant with you. Even if it has nothing to do with this story, let's just rant together.

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Seeing Billy tell another girl "it's you" broke my heart. Finally I understood what he meant before he left for the detention center. Finally I understood how I felt for my best friend… and I couldn't do anything.

I sit on my couch and slump over to put my head on the arm rest. My eyes have had the same red, puffy look since I got home from the play three days ago due to all the crying. I haven't done much and I haven't changed out of an oversized sweatshirt that I know to belong to the best friend in the whole world. I feel the cushions move to accommodate the new person sitting down next to me. I move my head from its current position and lay it on the shoulder of my comforting brother.

"It hurts, Ben." I said pulling my knees to my chin and hugging them tightly. He wraps an arm around me and kissed the top of my head. "I know it does Jane. I'm so sorry, kid." I sniffle realizing Ben is the one doing what Billy would have done in this situation filled with heartbreak. "Will this ever get better?" I ask quietly. I hear Ben sigh and I know this isn't a good sign.

"Well, Kiddo, I'm not going to lie to you, this is going to suck and it's going to suck for a long time. Eventually, though, yes I think it will get better. But Jane, he's your best friend, you need time to work though this, but he's still your best friend and the kind of friendship you have is special. It's so special that it hardly ever happens. Keep that in mind okay?" I nod and shove off the couch. "Thanks, Ben. You're a great big brother. I'm gonna go to bed, big day tomorrow."

I try to act hopeful, but I really can't act so I trudge off to bed for another night in the familiar comfort of my best friend's sweatshirt. That is until right after shutting my own bedroom door I hear the front door open and voices talking.

I hear Billy.

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Sorry this is short, but I have five chapters ready if this is liked. Remember rant away! I need to talk about this to get over it.. Or let's save it! Okay I'm seriously overtired haha so I hope you enjoyed and please review :)


	2. The Best Comforter In The World

Wow.. The reviews.. I loved them, thank you!

I really love how Billy knows Jane so well and what will upset her and how she will react to things. His friend love for Jane is so strong it overpowered his romantic love for her and honestly that is so sweet. Okay.. Uhm.. Maybe I just imagined that, but anyways it's here in this chapter :)

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I know that voice and I've known it for years, since third grade to be exact. Sure, it's changed, but his voice has always remained _Billy._ I feel the tears well up in my eyes and I don't know what to do. If he sees me like this and in his hoodie.. Crap. I run to my closet to find anything else to wear in case he comes in. Tears are still forming and some are falling from my eyes as I rush to pull a t shirt over my head. I hide the sweatshirt and I creep to the door to listen in as to why he's not in here already.

"What do you mean she went to sleep? It's like 7:30." I heard Billy chuckle. "Billy, she's had a long day and you haven't been here for a few days. She needs sleep because," He paused searching for a usable lie. _Come on Ben… Anything! _"Because of a work thing." _Oh no.._

"A work thing?" Billy asks. "She has always made time for me, even with her work thing." I didn't hear Ben speak for a long few seconds and I almost came out to face what I knew I needed to. "Well, this is different. Gray was at the show, Billy. Jane has to meet with her tomorrow to discuss the situation. Jane's not sure if her cover's blown yet and she needs this time." _Thank you Ben. _"Oh, Janey…" I heard Billy say sadly. "She needs me." And with that my door was being pushed open and for the first time since the play I was face to face with the boy that is breaking my heart. This hurts worse than anything Nick ever did to me. A lot worse.

Despite myself I start to cry, but not for the reasons Billy thinks. I'm crying because my chest hurts and because I'm in love with my best friend who is in love with someone else. Billy simply gathers me in his arms and sits us on my bed while I cry out all my hurt. "Ah Janey, you know how much I hate it when the ladies cry…" He said. I wipe my face quickly, "I'm sorry. I know."

He grabs my hands and looks into my eyes. How had I never known how I felt before? He does things like this for me all the time. I'm an idiot.

"No, Janey it's okay. I was just trying to make you laugh, but I see Gray has you all wrapped up in Jane Land. You will be fine, even if you don't get to keep this job. You are too great at what you do, you can find anything if you want it. You're perfect, Janey." He's making this so much harder just by being himself. He's been doing this for me, trying to make me feel better, since third grade.

"I don't think the job is the problem here." I say quietly. "What are you talking about?" He asks. I thought about telling him in this moment, but then reconsidered. Zoe doesn't deserve that from me. "Nothing," I say instead. "I just really need to calm down and go to sleep, okay?" He nods and shrugs out of his leather jacket and throws it towards the floor. He lays down like he always does on his back and I give him a funny look. "What are you doing?" I ask. He responds, "Well, I was going to go to sleep.." After thinking about the consequences of the current situation, I came up empty. I lay my head on his chest while covering us up with a blanket. He tries to hold me together thinking if he does what he always does, I'll feel better. Truth is, the more he does his normal routine, the more the gaping hole in my chest rips open.

No matter what, Billy is the best comforter in the world. It takes me a few minutes to stop crying, but eventually I do and I fall asleep somehow. It's a dreamless sleep that just lets me rejuvenate for a short time.

All too soon my alarm is going off and I'm reaching over Billy to turn it off.

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Poor Jane. I imagine she felt so crushed when she realized what Billy meant as "It's you" when he said it to Zoe at the play. To me it seemed she finally saw him as more than a best friend and that just had to suck knowing he was with someone else. :( Anywho, review and we shall rant together.. or just tell me how you feel about my story, ORRRR both.


	3. Facing The Facts

I just want to thank everyone for the amazing reviews! It makes me happy knowing I'm not alone in my anger towards abc family.. And also to one anon review in particular- I am so crazy about this show, it's almost sad haha so I'm glad to find someone just as upset as me!

Anyways please feel free to keep ranting about JBD being cancelled!

Kind of a filler, but includes a cute Jilly moment.. kind of.

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_I'm reaching over Billy to turn it off. _

In my haste to turn off my alarm before waking anyone else up I wound up on top of Billy. I blush because we are chest to chest and it's highly uncomfortable for me considering my new found feelings. Luckily while I was too busy noting our current position Billy was still out cold. It made me smile remembering all the times I tried waking him up for school when he stayed over the night before. That boy can surely sleep.

I make my move to get off him before he wakes up when, instead, he pulls me close and turns on his side towards me. He buries his face in my hair and I'm frozen. Obviously he's still asleep because he's snoring lightly, but this embrace feels too good, too comfortable. I need to get up before I let myself regret it later. I undo his grasp around me and gently slip out of his arms, putting a large pillow in my place. I tiptoe over to my closet, grab clothes, and head for the shower.

This day already started out terribly and it for sure is going to get worse.

Today's the day I face Gray. It has been three days since she caught me at the play and since then I haven't been to work or talked to her. Honestly, I don't think I can pull myself out of this one. When she saw me it was Eli that saved me, he had told Gray that I was volunteering my time, but that doesn't go over well with someone like her in the fashion world.

Basically, I'm screwed.

In the shower I rehearsed the many things I could say to her, but nothing felt right. Lying wasn't an option anymore. Too many things were on my mind as I got dressed and did my hair and make up. I sighed and stepped out of the bathroom. I realize I have to go back into my room because I forgot shoes and this thought alone is putting my already unsettled stomach for a loop. I crept into my room and grabbed my basic black pumps because they were the closest thing to me.

I took one glance at my sleeping best friend and I almost started crying all over again. It wasn't fair, but I guess it didn't have to be as long as he was happy. I silently walked over to his side and despite myself, kissed his cheek. It was one of my last acts as Billy's best friend. For so many years kissing his cheek meant nothing, but now it means so much. It used to be my way of saying thank you and letting him know I appreciated him but now it is a goodbye.

My last act was closing the door behind me, essentially deciding to close the door on our entire friendship. This hurt, but I had to keep going, I had to give him the chance to find his own way and his own happiness. If it was with Zoe than that is all I could ask for just so long as he was happy and I didn't ruin relationships for him. Ben was right; I would eventually get over it. It was time to face the facts.

My heart felt crushed and my hope wasn't much different as I walked into Donovan Decker. I looked down in shame as I walked by the few people I had relationships with. I couldn't look at them when I knew they had an idea I did something wrong. To Gray, volunteering my talent is a waste of all her effort in using me. Looks like she is correct, it is a waste.

I couldn't wait any longer, my appointment was at nine and in a few seconds it will be that time. I take a deep breathe and walk into Gray's office to ready a response to anything she has to ask me. I straighten out my skirt and shake my nerves away. It's time.

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Oh poor Jane.. again. Enter pushing Billy away sequence! Next chapter is all Billy all the time.. yaaayy ;) (I think I like Billy a little too much..)


	4. Finding Jane

First, I love Billy. Second, I love all of you who are reviewing and being so kind.. I promised I'd get this out so here we are. Oh and third, goodgirl21 is fantastic and is now my beta.. woohoo! Okay well I don't have much else to say here.. Just another chapter sorry it's still short :(

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Billy's POV

It's been one week since I've seen Jane and I'm more than a little worried. I've gone to her house, I've been to Donovan Decker and I've looked for her at school, but nothing. Even Ben won't tell me where she is and I'm getting pissed. Jane never goes this long without talking to me, even when she's beyond pissed. She may say angry or sad things, but she's always talking.

"Hey, Troublemaker, are you paying attention?" Zoe says while waving a hand in front of my face. Truth is I haven't been able to focus on anything since I woke up in Jane's bed without Jane there too. I had snuck out of her house before Ben could talk to me and it took me until I got all the way home to realize what Jane must have done. I passed a mirror by the door and the bright color against my skin caught my eye. I took a step back to examine my cheek a little closer. I smile to myself remembering the last time Janey's lipstick left a mark on my face.

"I'm sorry, Zo. What did you say?" I did feel bad because I wasn't giving her the attention she deserved. She simply smiled, "I said, we need to have some fun this weekend. What do you say you come over and we watch a whole bunch of scary movies and I pretend to be scared while you pretend to protect me and who knows what happens next?" She was holding her eyebrows high in a suggestive way. I so badly wanted to accept, but I needed to find my MIA best friend and see what her problem is. I can't help but want to rescue her like I always do.

I look down before responding sensing she isn't going to enjoy my answer, "Ahh Zo, you know I'd love to do that, but… I haven't seen-"

She interrupted me, "Jane. I know, its okay we can do it another night. Seriously go find your best friend. I haven't seen her either and I know that's why you've been distracted lately," I didn't move "Why are you still here? Go find her already." I thought about this for a quick second because it seems very trap like. "Are you sure? You don't feel like I'm choosing Jane over you right?" I asked just to clarify. That reason is ultimately what ends my relationships. "Yes, I'm sure, so go!" She pushed me away gently and I kissed her cheek. I was pretty psyched to find Jane.

I went straight for the first person that came to mind when I thought of Jane Quimby: Ben Quimby. I practically run to the office of our assistant… whatever, I really don't care what he is. I just know he knows where Jane is. I reach his door and open it to quickly shut it again. What I just saw was not something I care to talk about. Ben and Ms. Shaw were sucking face in a very suggestive manner. I walk to the other side of the hall and start laughing.

The door opened just enough for Ben to slip out and come towards me. I put my hands up, "I won't tell." I'm amused in so many ways. "What do you need, Billy?" He cuts right to the chase no doubt itching to get back to his office. I could play around with this, but the need to find Jane is stronger than my obnoxious side. "Where is she? It's been a week and I haven't seen or heard from her at all." Ben lets out a sigh seeming to struggle with what to say to me. He's been avoiding me and my attempts at finding Jane. "Her meeting with Gray didn't go so well so she's been… recovering so to speak." If Janey's meeting didn't go well then she must not be doing okay. Concern floods my face as I understand what Ben's saying. "Where is she?"

"Listen, Billy," He puts a hand on my shoulder. "I think leaving her alone is the best right now. Her world just kind of crashed down around her and she's not herself." It's just her job that's crashing down, I don't get it. As soon as that thought came it occurred to me it may not just be her job. She hasn't seen me in a week and even if that sounds a little vein we haven't been apart for this long since our friendship started in third grade. Both of us don't handle being apart well. I feel horrible for leaving her alone to get through something hard for her.

"Ben, come _on_. Jane means the world to me and I won't just let her down and leave her alone. We both know she doesn't do well when that happens to her. Where is she?" I ask hopefully for the last time. Ben seems to battle himself for a moment in deciding whether or not to tell me. It's not like I've been mean to her, I just haven't seen her. And its not like I haven't been looking, she just hasn't been there. No matter what, deep down, I still feel guilty for not being there to protect her. Apart of me will always want to do that for Jane, she's done a lot for me over the years.

Finally Ben speaks, "She's getting here tonight at six. You can pick her up at the air port and I won't tell her you're coming. She'd most definitely kill me." My brain got stuck on the word 'airport'. "Wait, where'd she go? She literally left?" I was surprised she could just up and leave without even telling me. What was happening?

"Ask Jane. You guys need to talk and I'm not going to be the one to tell you everything. Anyways, I'm going to go back to work…" He coughed nervously and turned away.

"Oh hey Ben," I called after him and he turns around. "Niiiiiiice." I whisper and hold out my fist. He bumps it and smiles, "Right?" He fully turns around and heads back into his office. I laugh and head to my next class. Just one more to go and then I have to waste time before picking up Janey. There is so much we need to talk about.

How could she just leave the state like that and not say anything to me? She tells me everything and it really pisses me off she would leave without a word.

What the hell?

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Ahh Jane left without saying anything to Billy? (Remember the whole pushing him away thing..) Well next up is Billy seeing Jane and she's.. Well she's different. Let's find out how! It may be a smidge OOC but bare with me.. And do continue to rant! I love it! Thanks for reading :)


	5. Can't Shake The Feeling

Thanks ever so much to goodgirl21 for being my beta… go check her out she's super nice!

Okay.. Enjoy!

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Billy's POV again…

Class was torture. Sitting through another lesson on the Vietnam War was not keeping my attention. I was thinking about all the things I wanted to say to Jane. She just up and left without a word and I'm supposed to go pick her up. We're supposed to tell each other everything, at least as much of everything as we can. Right then Lulu came to mind and I can't shake the guilt that I feel as soon as it comes up. Her face when Lulu came up to kiss me before I could tell her, it hurt me and I can't even imagine how it felt to her. It really sucked knowing my best friend wasn't okay with who I was dating. I never had this problem with Jane before, she had never been so mad at me.

I'll always feel bad about hurting her in that way. She deserved to hear it from me, not from a public display of affection. That was the longest fight we ever had and I moped around her house until she talked to me. That's just how Jane and I were. We didn't let a stupid fight come between us, we worked it out because, for me, she meant too much to let go.

Finally class was over and I went straight to the airport. I knew I had a couple hours to wait, but I needed to think through what I wanted to say. Now I sit in my car with ten minutes left until her flight lands and I have no idea what I'm going to say. Jane has been my best friend since we were eight and we've never had this much trouble. Nothing's been right since I told her "It's you" and now it seems so off for us. I have been in love with my best friend since Tommy of all people pointed it out to me. It is always Jane. Always. I have to move on and I think maybe I have with Zoe, but the truth is, no one is Jane. But I know on that runway she had a choice between me and that Jeremy guy and I didn't want to stick around to see her pick him instead. Apart of me knows it would have been me, but a bigger part of me says the accent really does it. Her flying out of state without saying a word to me, leaving me like that makes my point.

When she gets here I know I have so much to say. I'm extremely pissed she could leave me behind.

Then I get up at the call for the landing of Jane's flight. I have a scowl on my face from knowing she didn't give me a second thought. Why am I even here? Then I see her and all my anger is gone and my thoughts are switched because in the place of my best friend is someone I can only assume is Jane. Her hair is flat, not really curly, she's in sweatpants and a large t shirt, and she's wearing actual kicked around sneakers. Gone is all the fashion and it it's place is definitely not the girl I saw a week ago. The sight takes my breath away because it is so not my Janey. Instantly I feel guilt again for leaving her alone to deal with something that has clearly devastated her.

She's walking in my direction with her face down, not looking around and completely hidden within her shell. She is about two feet from me and that's when I speak, "Janey.." She looks up in shock and sadness. I don't know what do to here, she's obviously upset, but I can't figure it out. I know her job meant a lot to her, but this isn't it, this isn't just about her job. She needs me and I need to figure out what the problem is. She needs my attention and I'm pissed at myself that I couldn't give it to her long enough to find out she had even left the freaking state.

It takes her a minute to really move or do anything, but eventually she does come over to me and wrap her arms under mine. I hug her to me for a long time trying to hold onto what I thought we had. I'm losing her, I'm losing my best friend and I don't know how to keep her here with me.

I push her away at arms length so I can see her, "Why the hell did you just leave and not tell me?" I asked a little angrily. I probably seemed a little too harsh. She just stood there and was emotionless, "I just want to go home." I get it, she's tired and her dream job is gone, but she needs to talk to me. "Okay, I can do that, but we need to talk Janey.. You can't just leave like that." I say. She nods and walks towards the exit with a distinct gap between us. I see what's happening, I just don't want to believe it.

The whole car ride was silent except for if I asked any questions but they were met with little to no acknowledgement. I was getting fed up with this. I'm not sure what her deal is, but she needs to change quick because losing her means losing so much and I can't let that happen. I don't even know what I would do if she wasn't in my life. I need Jane.

We make it to her house and I pull up in front. She gets out quickly and I do the same as I meet her at the back to grab her bags for her.

"I got it." She says. Still looking down and not giving me the time of day. She hasn't said my name once, nor has she tried to hold conversation. I know this is not like her and something huge has happened. She doesn't just ignore me; I like to think my charm keeps her around. My charm isn't doing shit today.

I stand at the trunk ready to follow her into her house when she turns around and barely looks at my direction, "You should probably get home." Still no acknowledgement and still she won't say my name. I'm getting increasingly frustrated and I know I'm going to explode soon. She starts to walk away and that's it, I've had it, "Damn it, Jane, what the hell has gotten into you? You don't even talk to me when I pick you up from the freaking airport when I didn't even know you were even freaking gone by the way. You barely give me the time of day in the car and now you're telling me to go home? Are you freaking kidding me? Seriously Jane, what the freaking hell?" I seem to only call her 'Jane' out loud when I'm pissed and right now I see that trend clearly.

She jumps at my outburst and I know I've hurt her. She probably needs time or something and I need to cool off anyways. "Whatever, Jane. I'll catch you later if you can manage to even look my way." I was being unfair because I haven't even made her talk to see what the real problem is. I plan on coming back later when things have settled down. I know I'll apologize then, I just don't have the patience now when clearly my best friend can't even talk to me. Something's wrong and I can't shake the feeling.

I get in The Beast and I go for a long drive.

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Poor Billy this time.. He's so conflicted with how he feels about Jane. He's pissed and yet he feels like he failed as a best friend. He still loves her but what about Zoe? Will timing EVER be on their side?

Don't forget to review and rant even! I have loved ranting with everyone about how stupid abc family is.. I'm glad I'm not alone so if you want someone to complain to about their ridiculous decision.. Review!


	6. Selflessness Hurts

Jane's POV is baaaack and sorry this took so long for me to get out.. I'm usually faster than this. Also! Check out a story that is so cute, I love it. Jane-By-Design-Lover has a new story out called Just Go With It and it is worth reading. Go check out her stories!

Okay on with this….. Enjoy!

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When I closed the door that morning and left my sleeping best friend behind I was making a promise to myself that I would let him be happy at all costs. It seems I always come between him and his girlfriends and that isn't fair. Zoe makes him happy and for once he deserves that little piece of happiness that I can't give him as just his best friend. And in the long run it will help me too because being around him just hurts. The gaping hole in my heart is growing larger and larger the more time I spend with him.

When he picked me up at the airport I was so mad at Ben. He knew the situation, he knew everything and yet he still went against what I asked him to do and told Billy where I was. Billy. If I don't acknowledge him then maybe it will help. The car ride was painful. He couldn't tell but a few tears had slid down my cheeks because all I wanted to do was talk his ear off and tell him everything that happened with my job, but I couldn't do that. If I kept talking he would still be my best friend and I need him to replace me. I need to hurt less.

My job was over, but that wasn't the only reason I was sad. I realized I just brought everyone down and the more I stood out the harder it will be to not be noticed by people. I just want to hide myself in my own world and keep me away from the pain of a crushed heart.

I had to tell him to go home because being with him for so long made me want to scream how I felt at him. Of course I just wound up making him angry which is all the more reason to give up on me and find someone else. I can't be his best friend with these feelings too because it isn't fair to either of us.

I got inside the house and put my bags down before quickly shutting the door. I turn around and make eye contact with my brother before he can say "welcome home". He would have gone on to say it, but my glare made him stop. "What the hell, Ben?" I say angrily. He came over to me to get my bags to bring them to my room for me, "Things didn't go so well? Come on Jane you're being stubborn." I follow him to my room and consider this for a moment. Why am I being stubborn if all I want to do is give my best friend the chance to be happy and not think about me so much?

"I wouldn't talk to him. I don't know what to say, Ben… Just being with him hurts and I don't know what to do. When he dropped me off I told him to go home. I actually told Billy, who practically lives here, to go home. Why is this so hard?" I say with a sigh.

"It's so hard," Ben says. "Because you're making it so hard. Shutting him out will make your life harder because you're cutting him off cold turkey, Jane. You guys have been joined at the hip for a million years so obviously breaking that bond is going to hurt." When did Ben get so wise? It's weird. He puts his hands on my shoulders, "And what in the world happened to you? I put you on a plane to see mom with you looking, well, like you. And now you look…" I cut him off. "I look like what?" He seems to try to find a way out of this trap, "You look even better than when you left. Just don't forget the shower isn't broken. Night, Jane!" He says as he walks out of my room to probably run to his.

I walk to the bathroom, towel in hand, sigh and look at myself in the mirror. I'm dull and I can blend in better this way by being gray and blah looking. I miss my pops of color and I miss my fun style, but this is just what I need to do to not be seen. I don't want to be noticed. I for once, want to blend in and be normal and not be a strange outcast. I was an outcast before and I landed my dream job only to have it taken from me.

When I walked into Gray's office that morning I knew I was toast because Birdie was there with a ton of paperwork. "Jane, sit down please." Gray said in her own special accent. I gulped quietly and sat in a sleek arm chair facing her desk. "Jane," She started. "I'm sorry but we must terminate you for being underage. I am highly disappointed in your deceptive ways. Due to the many times you have saved this company, Donovan is willing to look the other way in legal matters. I would take this, Jane." She got right to the point without missing a beat. She looked to Birdie and Birdie gave me my termination papers.

"I'm so sorry Gray," I stumbled out. "I never meant to be deceiving, I've always wanted a job in fashion and being your assistant was just too good to pass up. That's why I forged my license and paperwork. Please Gray, don't be mad." I looked at her with hope in my eyes, but it was soon squashed.

"Get out of my office, Jane." Those were the last words Gray spoke to me.

After reliving one of the worst moments of my life I step out of the shower and venture to my closet picking up the long ago discarded sweatshirt.

Remembering the meeting has made me start to cry. I wanted nothing more than to work in fashion and I knew it was wrong the whole time. I'm not surprised I was found out and actually I am surprised I wasn't found out earlier. That part of my life is over and I have dealt with that. Unfortunately I'm having a hard time dealing with Billy. Even thoughts of him have control over my emotions because soon I'm not just crying, I'm quietly sobbing.

I lay on my bed with my wet hair all around, already curling. Billy's sweatshirt feels so good and comforting and somehow it still holds his familiar scent. It smells like the many times he stayed at my house, it smells like memories. I wipe my cheeks with his overly long sleeves and then tuck them under my face.

Just then I heard a knock at my window and jumped sky high at the sound.

Before I even had to get up the window was being pushed open and Billy was climbing through with the ease of years of practice. I'm surprised to see him here and I don't know what to say but of course Billy saves me from that. He doesn't look at me so he doesn't see my blotchy face. He walks over to pace in front of my bed and sighs.

"Billy?" I croak out. He whips his head in my direction like he just heard a ghost and for a moment he doesn't move and then he's next to me on my bed gathering me in his arms. "Oh Janey I'm so sorry for yelling at you like that and I'm sorry I left you all alone to deal with whatever's going on and I'm sorry you're so upset all the time and I'm really just sorry." He said in a rush. He talked so fast I almost didn't catch everything. I leaned my head into his chest, "I deserved it. I didn't mean to make you so mad and that I left without telling you."

"What's going on Janey? We tell each other everything especially when we leave via airplane. What happened with your job?" He asked. I couldn't answer the first thought that popped into my head, _I left because I couldn't handle looking at you with Zoe after figuring out I am in love with you. That's why I didn't tell you I left and really my job doesn't matter anymore._ No, I couldn't say that. Instead, "I got fired. Plain and simple. I lied to Gray and she let me go because of it and I left because I was upset and didn't want to bother you."

"Hold on," He was gesturing with his hand which tells me he's trying to contain the situation because it's all out of control in his head. "You got _fired_? And what the hell Janey we always tell each other these things. You could never bother me that's just really stupid to think. And where the hell did you go?" I chuckle despite my tears because he's a little worked up with not knowing anything. "I went to stay with my mom and Dakota and it was nice... for the time. I got fired, I don't have a job anymore." _And I know I would never bother you but you would have dropped anything to come get me and calm me down and that would mean leaving Zoe and leading to so many other problems._ I was done talking because eventually I would spill everything I was thinking and that would ruin what we have left as friends. Billy doesn't love me, it isn't me and now I'll never know what it would be like.

"We have school tomorrow… You can stay if you want or go home" I say to my best friend trying to end our current talking session. He looks right at me, "I'm staying because the last time I stayed you left for a week so this time I'm not letting you out of my sight." He was very matter of fact about it. I turn over to the edge of my bed and curl up far from Billy.

A few seconds of silence pass until, "Is that my sweatshirt?" Crap. Tell me I've gotten better at lying, "Is it? I just found it in my closet and it looked comfortable so I put it on. Do you want it back?" I hoped he didn't. He bought it luckily, "No, it definitely looks better on you." I still blush at this despite myself and it makes me sad. Then Billy makes a move to get off the bed, "Hey do I have anymore clothes here? Skinny jeans are not the best option for sleeping." I laugh at his uncomfortable gestures to prove his point. I roll my eyes, "Yes, bottom drawer, white tall thing over in the corner." I pointed to the correct side of the room where my drawers of things are without even looking up.

I keep my eyes closed but I hear the shuffling of clothing and know he's changing right here right now right in front of me. I can feel my cheeks burning but I can't do anything about this. It took a lot to keep my eyes shut. The more I spend time with him the harder it is getting to not have such strong feelings. I hate that I have these feelings, it makes everything so much harder and I always hurt.

I must have been imagining my life with Billy if Zoe wasn't in the picture for long enough to just barely fall asleep. I was dancing around the edges of unconsciousness but I could feel the bed shift. Then it was registering in my mind that I was being talked to but by the time I gave my attention to the boy beside me all I heard was "Goodnight Janey."

I mumbled back what I thought was "goodnight" but I'm sure it wasn't audible.

I have pleasant dreams that include my best friend and I growing old together and I wake up at about four in the morning.

Then it hits me, it was only a dream and the boy lying asleep beside me belongs to another and it breaks my heart. Tears come to my eyes and I slip out of bed, grabbing a big blanket and head outside.

This room is suffocating me.

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Can I just say how much my own story is killing me? I just want them to be together and get married and have lots of Jilly babies and yes.. lol I love them. Okay well anyways tell me how you liked this, and be tough! Also rant because I need to just rant with everyone about how stupid abc family is. Honestly Secret Life? Are you kidding me? Lol okay I'm sorry I'll save that for the poor soul that wants to rant with me.. haha


	7. The Best Friend Feeling

Okay I just loved all the reviews I got and all the ranting that happened.. Lol I think I word vomited on everyone that said to rant away haha sorry guys.. But anyways did any of you check out the story I recommended? Leave a review on that story and tell her I sent you! Go! :) thank you everyone for reading!

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This room held too much for me. All around me were pictures of Billy and me and right now they mean more than what they did at the time they were taken. I see all the things Billy has given to me lying around, like my first sewing kit and the large cork board he made for me. And of course I see the boy himself, the one that makes this so hard for me.

I grab a big, thick blanket and wrap it around myself knowing it is way too early to be awake. I tiptoe out of my room and I slip out the front door to sit on the porch. I go to the far right of the porch where the swing is and sit down.

It was a sinking feeling that occurred when I woke up and realized my dream was just that, a dream. I take a moment to let myself remember what I could of it.

I was in my bed and I had just woken up. Everything was different, the walls, the room, the arrangement, but the thing that wasn't different was the boy next to me. His hair was tousled and he wasn't wearing a shirt. The sight made me smile and then I go to get out of bed, but something made that a harder task than imaginable. I look down at what made my body so much heavier and I see a very large, rounded belly. It dawns on me, I'm pregnant and I'm not afraid, I'm happy. Then I saw two arms snake around my waist as I sat on the edge of the bed.

"Good morning Janey." Billy said sleepily. I looked down again at the hands on my belly, the left one held a shiny ring and instantly I knew. I was married to my best friend and we were going to have a baby. He had me lay back down in bed and was very close to my face. He was mostly to my side due to my now large tummy. Just when Billy was about to kiss me the bed shifted and I was falling and I kept falling while Billy stayed on the bed.

When I landed I was back in my bed, back in reality.

I don't want to feel this way anymore. I don't want to worry about breaking out into tears whenever I see Billy. He's my best friend and the one thing I would normally tell him I actually can't because of so many obvious reasons. He has Zoe, he's happy and who am I to take that from him? He really needs to move on and stop worrying about me so much. I used to love it when, even if he was mad at me, he would come for me and safe me from whatever situation I was in, now it's like when he does that I fall for him even more.

I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't notice the door opening and the sound of another person entering the porch. Then once I saw Billy running from the porch and down the steps, looking around frantically I called for him. "Billy? Where are you going?" My voice was broken with early morning sleepiness. He looks over in my direction and smiles with relief flooding his features, "I thought you ran again so I was trying to catch you.." He says it so sheepishly I can't help but melt on the inside. I smile and pat the spot next to me for him to sit. He climbs back up the stairs and does so.

I was lost in my thoughts just looking out over the street and seeing the sun start to rise when I hear Billy speak, "Janey… Where are you right now? Cuz you're not here. Why can't you talk to me about what's bothering you?" I felt bad because I have been ignoring him and doing anything I can to avoid the feelings I have. "I'm here, I promise. I just have a lot on my mind that's all."

He seemed to understand. He spoke again, "Hey can we share that blanket? It's freezing out here." He makes a shivering gesture and I hesitate for a moment. Normally I would jump at giving him the blanket but we would be so close… It doesn't matter. Stop it Jane. "Sure, sorry." I give him some of the blanket and he wraps it around us. It was big enough to wrap around us with a little bit extra bunched up.

Billy put his arm around my shoulders under the blanket and I tensed up. I think he noticed because he leaned back so his back was against the arm rest and his feet were propped up on the other end. He pulled me with him and I was now lying on his chest, comfortably wrapped in a blanket and cuddled up next to the boy I loved. This embrace was familiar because we had, in fact, sat like this before. Once more thoughts of fairness float through my mind. He's all I want and I can't even have him because he loves someone else. It all just hurts.

"Hey Jane?" Billy asks. I sigh. "Yeah, Billy?"

"Do you remember when your dad died and we were sitting just like this after the funeral?" Of course I remember that day it was the hardest day of my life. And it's funny because I was just thinking about that moment myself.

"Yeah, I do pretty well. Why?" I ask him not sure where he was going with this. He reaches his left hand to meet his right and make a circle with his arms around me. "Remember how you wouldn't talk to me for long periods of time because you didn't want to talk about your dad? And how eventually I made you spill your guts about how angry and sad you were? You told me you were glad I pushed you to talk because you felt so much better getting it out than keeping it in." I finally saw where he was going and it was to a place I wasn't ready to go.

"This is different, Billy, much different." I say. He shakes his head, "No it's not Janey. Back then you weren't yourself. Just like now. You're not acting like you. You're not acting like my best friend and I don't get why. You're acting like someone died and you don't know how to handle it. You need to talk to me, I can't fix what I don't know is broken." Damn it Billy! I started to cry once again and I was getting frustrated with myself. Every time he reached out to me it made my already open wounds rage with pain because he cares so much about me and knows me so well but I can't have him.

Then it hits me. Billy is the only one that knows me so well and can talk to me like this and care so much. He's my best friend, he's the one that was there when my dad died, he's the one that saved me on numerous occasions when I was stuck in a jam at work, he would come for me even if he was mad, and he would break up with his girlfriend for me. I can't keep pushing him away when he treats me so well. He deserves better from me. He deserves to feel that best friend feeling. The one you get when you know you have someone that has your back and will never leave you no matter what. He has earned this.

"I'm sorry Billy I have been a pretty crappy best friend. I'll change okay? But for now I have to get ready for school." I climb out of the swing when Billy grabs my wrist, "Janey," he looks sad. "Let me help. You are the best best friend I could ever ask for. Just tell me what's wrong. We can fix it together like we always do." I get my wrist free and walk towards the door thinking of what to say. Then finally I think of something, "Some things just can't be fixed." And I walk inside to shower and get ready for school.

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Gaaahhhh I can't keep this up much longer.. They will be together SOON. I promise! Obviously Billy loves her.. silly Jane. But remember Jane's job? Hmm.. Something to remember for next chapter or maybe the next! And as always rant away. Tell me why you think Jane by Design should be saved and how we can save it! Also saying something about the story would be nice.. but saving Jane is way more important! Haha thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed!


	8. Classic Jane and Billy

Lets have some Billy POV okay? A huge thanks to goodgirl21 for being my Beta… Go check them out!

I was told to work on pacing myself…. Lol I tried really hard and I think I did it :) Enjoy!

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After my attempt at a talk with Jane went nowhere I decided I should get ready for school too. While she was in the shower I grabbed some clothes from the white drawer and laugh at how Jane always took care of me. I hold my clothes and smile down at them knowing she put them away knowing I would need them. She's always looking out for me and I don't understand why she can't share this problem she's having with me. Maybe she just needs more time.

I get dressed quickly trying to ignore the nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach. She needs somebody and I obviously can't help her. Just then Ben pops into my mind and I go and find him. I leave Jane's room and see just the person I was looking for eating cereal and reading the comics in the paper. I decided to talk to him quickly before Jane came out of the bathroom.

"Hey there Ben, getting some quality reading done I see." I could always joke with Ben because in a lot of ways he's been a better brother to me than my own. He didn't even look up to respond, "Pshh yeah. Garfield is wise and insightful. There he goes again eating something he shouldn't…" Ben starts chuckling and I couldn't help but laugh with him.

I need to talk to him fast before I lose my nerve, or worse, Jane comes out. "Hey uh Ben… Have you noticed anything different about Jane?" He looked up at me and kind of tilted his head to the side in thought. "Well, yeah. Actually now that you mention it I noticed how she was dressing the night she got back. It's so not Jane." So he noticed too? I lean in over the table making my gestures more dramatic, "Right? What's going on with her Ben? She won't talk to me and we both know something's eating away at her." Ben put down his paper and looked like he didn't know what to say. Then he spoke, "She'll tell you eventually Billy because she always does. Just be patient. I know she won't be like this forever because dressing like this is killing her. I'm pretty sure I saw her making googley eyes as a pair of green pants yesterday. Green pants Billy." I laugh at Ben's brotherly attention. "Yeah I think you're right. This whole out of a job thing is driving her nuts huh?" It was his turn to laugh and then he said, "Or something like that."

Just then Jane came out of the bathroom with gray jeans on and a black shirt that was too big for her. It was then when I looked at her face that I noticed it and what I noticed was my hope. On her ears were very small, smaller than a pea sized earrings and they were red.

"Breakfast Jane?" Ben asked. Jane shrugged in response, "No I think I'm just going to grab an apple so we can get going. We'll see you there right?" She walked into the small kitchen area and picked an apple out of the bowl. Ben looked at his watch, "Yeah I have a few more minutes. I'll see you there." Jane pecked him on the cheek and grabbed her bag from the couch. I get up and follow her. I check my hair one last time before leaving making sure it's perfect.

"Billy stop looking at yourself, come on!" Jane yelled to me from outside through the open door. She was hilarious when she grew impatient. I yell back while still fixing my hair, "Everyone else get to look at this god-like body so I should get to every now and then!" I fix the last strand and head outside. She was smiling which was a good sign and then she's laughing while she talks with full sarcasm, "I am _so_ sorry I forgot my best friend was the next Adonis." We climb in the car and make fun of me and my personal hair care routines all the way to school. As we're climbing out of the car I say, "You know one day you will appreciate how much I love my hair." She snorted and I loved it. This moment was classic Jane and Billy. I missed this and it feels nice to have a small moment.

I see her look over my shoulder and then she says, "Well I'll see you later." And she waves and walks away. "Wait Jane," I call. She turns. "It's Monday are we gonna still have our Thai and movie night?" She smiled, "Of course. But I pick the movie this time, last time you had to talk me to sleep after that horrible horror movie." I laugh remembering the moment. "You were perfectly safe, I was right there." She started walking away again, but called over her shoulder, "I'm picking the movie, Nutter." I couldn't help but smile because Jane very rarely used my last name, but for some reason it felt so personal coming from her.

As I'm thinking about Jane I feel arms snake around my torso and lips brush my neck, "Hey stranger." Zoe whispered. It sent shivers down my spine, but not in a good way. I turn around while in her grasp, "Hey Zo." I kissed her temple. "Where have you been?" She asks. I mentally slap myself for ignoring all her calls and texts because she will surely get upset when I tell her where I've been.

"I've been staying with Jane. Now don't get mad," I say quickly. "She's going through something and I don't know what it is, but it's kind of bad. She's different and I'm worried about her, Zo." She looked up at me and showed no clear emotion. She didn't look angry and she didn't look sad, but she definitely didn't look happy either. She seemed to be thinking and after a moment she spoke, "I'm not mad, don't worry. It's good you're there for her. I'm going to class now though so we can talk later." I nodded and she left in the direction of her first class. I grabbed my stuff out of the back and headed in my own direction to class. Something tells me that was too easy.

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I won't lie, I've had a pretty crappy day, but your reviews and kind words have really brightened my day. I really love all the reviews I am getting.. Seriously you all are amazing.

Don't forget if you have a twitter to tweet tonight at 9…. I'll be there! Say hi! ThatKenzieChick.. lol I think I just promoted myself.. Oh well. Tell me how you feel about Jane by Design and why you love it! Tell me if you like my story :) or we can completely chat about JBD.. I'm okay with that lol Thank you for reading!


	9. Bat Out Of Hell

I feel like I'm going to be switching POVs between Jane and Billy a lot until the end.. Maybe.

HUGE thank you to goodgirl21.. I can't seem to say thank you enough.

Also Jane-By-Design-Lover needs some love on her fic.. Go send some!

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I saw Zoe coming and that's why I was in such a hurry to get out of there. I couldn't say no to Billy, when he asked about our normal Monday night activities I so badly wanted to give an excuse not to do it. Anything one-on-one with Billy feels too good, too right and I need to move on from him. I keep telling myself that, but I feel like it isn't working.

I walked into the school feeling utterly invisible and I liked it better this way. Unfortunately when you're invisible people run into you and that happened a lot. One guy walked right into me and when I fell over he didn't even apologize. So now I have sore hands and an irritated attitude. While on the ground I see someone walking quickly over to me. "Janey, are you okay?" It was none other than Billy. He helps me up from the ground and I shake my head, "Yeah, I'm fine. People just don't look where they're walking apparently." He checks my hands, "Well they just look a little red, no blood so I think you'll make it. And I would have looked to see you if I was walking." It's really the little things he says. It's always going to be the little things that put me over the edge when it comes to Billy.

"I know you would. I have to get to class, I'll see you later, Billy!" I yelled to him as I made my way swiftly to my locker hoping he wouldn't follow me to it. I need time to get over his sweet gestures.

It's really perfect when I can't even open my locker without Billy. I hit it myself with a small grunt of frustration and it actually swings open. I was so happy that I almost hugged the thing, but thought against it. Invisible or not, making a locker look like your only friend is a little weird, even for me.

When I close my locker I jump a mile because someone was hiding behind the door waiting for me. I wonder for a moment why people choose to wait on that side and not on the other where I can see them… Either way I'm surprised at who's waiting for me. "Zoe?" I manage. She gave a small smile, "Hey Jane."

Why is she here… at my locker… right now? I stumble over my words again, "Uh wha.. Hi."

She straightened herself out, making herself a little taller, "Listen Jane, I see what you're trying to do here," She motioned to what I was wearing. "and I think we've been kind of friends for long enough." She paused and I was kinda getting freaked out. This was not like Zoe to just come up and talk to me so candidly. "It doesn't matter how much you try to blend in, you know someone will always see you. _Billy_ will always see you. If you turned into freaking Harry Potter and picked up an invisibility cloak, he would still be able to see you when no one else could. You mean that much to him." I just stood there while she talked. I was too afraid to really think about what she's saying and why's saying it.

At that moment my phone buzzed for a solid minute straight and I had no choice but to check it. I felt so rude, but I felt like something was wrong. "I'm so sorry Zoe, I have to check this." I looked down at my phone and saw five missed calls and fifteen text messages. When I looked at the number I saw it was none other than Jeremy. My heart skipped a beat. "Oh my god.." I gasped and almost dropped my phone. I looked at Zoe who was completely confused at this point, "Zoe, I have to go… Donovan Decker.." I squeaked out.

This was my dream and they needed me. I started running towards The Beast thanking Billy for giving me an extra key. I made it to the car and slid in carefully. I fumbled with the keys before actually getting them in the ignition. The car roared to life and I patted the dash, "Good Beast.." I cooed at it. I looked in the review mirror for a moment and realized I looked nothing like myself. My time to shine was right now and I can't shine in dark shades. I race out of the parking lot completely disregarding my next class. I pull out on the roads ready to speed all the way to my house to change into something a little more Jane Quimby.

My heart is going a mile a minute. Finally I can get my job back, my pride and joy. For the first time I catch myself smiling for no reason because I feel happy. I reach my house and I fly like a bat out of hell when I get inside. I run to my room and let my clothes explode everywhere until I found just what I was looking for. I pull on a multi colored tank top, and a metallic silver ruffled skirt. I shove my arms into a blue sweater and button it hastily. I look in the mirror and on my mirror was a perfect skinny red belt. I put it on over my sweater around my tummy area and then my red pumps caught my eye and I felt lighter than air. I put my shoes on while hopping out the door. I run as fast as I can in these heals and realize some things never really change no matter how much you want them to.

I jump in The Beast and I'm off as fast as it can bring me to Donovan Decker. I'm going to win my job back; I'm going to save the company. I will make my life make sense again.

xxxxx

So basically, I love all of you. You guys crack me up and make me feel so happy inside. I have loved the ranting.. so if you feel just incredibly angry, let me know! Cuz I am right there with you.. Also I think I've gotten back to every review, I go from ipod to computer so it may be I miss one. If I haven't replied to you, tell me I'm such a bad person because I totally deserve it.

Don't forget to go check out Jane-By-Design-Lover and goodgirl21. You are all amazing :)


	10. Need To Save Jane

Billy. Let's all agree we love him? K.

Also- Seriously go check out Jane-By-Design-Lover's story.. it is so good and I want everyone to leave her a great review! Thank you :)

Ps. Go check out Bree6112's story Don't Turn Away From Me, if you want a new twist on story telling and plot line.. GO!

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I usually see one of the two girls in my life multiple times a day, but today is just weird. I saw Jane once, and it was to help her up because some asshole ran into her and knocked her flat on the ground. I thought I was going to give him a black eye, but Jane looked pissed enough so I decided to help her instead of playing her personal avenger.

I told her I wouldn't have walked into her thinking it would make her feel like she's not just something that people walk all over, but instead I think it made her feel worse somehow. She ran off as soon as she could. I would have gone with her to her next class if I could have gotten by the sea of people in the hallway. I also haven't seen Zoe since this morning.

I know I need to figure things out. Am I still in love with Jane? If it's even a question I don't think I should be with Zoe. But I really did care about her, I just don't know if I'm in love with her. I grunt in frustration wondering why things are so hard. Why is it always a choice between my best friend and my girlfriend?

A whole class period and lunch has passed and I'm just as frustrated with myself as ever. Still no sight of Jane or Zoe and I have a feeling something is up. I walk down the hall and pass Ms. Shaw's office on my way to class.

"Hey Billy?" I heard the young guidance councilor call. I stop immediately and sigh. I turn around and walk into her office, "Yes, Ms. Shaw?" She shuffled things on her desk and then asked, "Have you seen Jane? She missed an appointment and I wanted to check up on her. It's not like her to skip; do you know if she left the building?" I give Ben's girlfriend a quizzical look. "Look Ms. Shaw, I haven't seen Jane since this morning and I don't really know where she is, but she's probably around here somewhere." I think I seemed a bit more frustrated than I meant to. She looked at me. "Are you and Jane okay?" She has turned complete guidance councilor on me now and I didn't sign up for a psych evaluation. "Yes." I said. "We're just fine and if I see her I'll let her know you're looking for her."

"Well, I hope you do," She looked down at her papers regrettably. "Because if Jane doesn't show up I have to mark her as having skipped school and that will result in a serious consequence. If she's not in my office by three o'clock…" She looked up at me to show me she didn't want to do this, but it was her job. "I'll have no choice but to go through with a suspension." Shit.

I need to find Jane. She's worked so hard on keeping her perfect record and she doesn't just skip out on things so that means if she isn't here meeting with Ms. Shaw then she's gone. My heart rate increases as I imagine where she could be or where she could have gone. My mind goes back to when I hadn't seen her for an entire week and she came back a lifeless shell of the person I saw at the play.

"I'll find her Ms. Shaw. She'll be here by three." And with that I'm out the door moving through the people towards her locker. I look at my phone to see the time is one o'clock. I begin to text my missing best friend.

And that's where I see Zoe.

What the hell is my life?

"Hey Zoe!" I call to her. I reach her and kiss her cheek. She looks down, not once at my face. I ignore whatever is bugging her and get straight to the point and talk in a rush. "Listen Zo, have you seen Jane? It's really important I find her." She continues to avoid looking at me. "I don't know where Jane is.." She speaks softly. I don't have time to figure out her problem, I need to find Jane. "God damn it." I curse and run a hand through my faux hawk, completely screwing it up. "Well, I need to find her." I start running down the hall when Zoe's voice stops me. "Wait! Billy!" I turn around. "She answered her phone a while ago and said something about Donovan Decker. She seemed pretty excited about whatever that is." Instantly I knew where Janey was, she was getting her job back. Relief rushes through me at the thought of Jane becoming my Janey again and being back to normal, but then a knot forms in my stomach because there's no way I can tear her away from her dream just to come back to school.

I say a quick thanks over my shoulder and head for the exit. But once more Zoe's voice stops me. "Billy! I.." I turn around to face her once again and she's looking down clearly in shame. My blood runs cold because nothing good can come of this moment. "Billy, I.." She tried again. My patience was growing thin. "What Zo?" She finally looks up with sadness in her eyes. "I.. I slept with someone, Billy." I don't know how to feel, but somehow I'm relieved. Even though it feels like someone just sucker punched me in the gut, I can't help but feel hope for my feelings for Jane. Maybe this time, maybe finally we can have the timing we deserve.

"Whatever Zoe." I can see her start to cry, but I'm losing time and I leave her there in her guilt. I don't even care who the guy was, why it happened or when. It doesn't matter. What matters now is getting to Donovan Decker to rescue Janey. Everything feels too familiar.

I race out to the parking lot to find The Beast missing. I curse loudly and know Jane must have taken her. For a split second I think about my options, knowing above else who I need to go see.

"Ben!" I rush into his office, luckily this time it was Rita-free.

"What? What's the matter Billy?" I startled Ben out of his chair and current reading of _Twilight._ I take a deep breath, "Basically I need to go save Jane and I need your car." He gave me a funny look. "What are you talking about? What's wrong with Jane?" At his last question he got up and went to grab his jacket. "Nothing, nothing. Nothing is wrong with her, I just need to go get her otherwise Ms. Shaw will put her under suspension." I say breathlessly not wanting to waste anymore time. He fished out his keys but was skeptical of his car's use. "Don't worry," I said. "I'll take good care of Bertha." I snatch his keys and head out the door with him calling behind me, "Her name's Gertrude! Get it right, Nutter!" I call back to him, "Same thing, Quimby!"

I run out of the building towards Ben's car hoping I can get to the city, pull Jane away, and bring her back all in an hour. I got this. I hope.

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K I need to say I think Zoe is always portrayed as the "bad guy", but I'm going to be cryptic here and say she wasn't crying out of guilt. Weeeee!

Thank you for reading and as usual, I love ranting with everyone, it has been amazing and it really helps when you're so mad at stupid networks. Thank you for reading, it means so much to me that people are actually interested in this story.. I'm really touched :)


	11. Knight In Shining Converse

Don't hate me for this chapter. I hated me a little bit for this chapter.. Hang in there though you will love it, I promise! Lol well.. okay anyways.

Did any of you check out Jane-By-Design-Lover's story? How about Bree6112? Please go see them they are wonderful!

Okay on with it! (short story here: I reread my intro paragraph out loud to check for mistakes and I got a little teary, I may or may not have cried. I'm a wimp and it's okay.)

Oh also! I completely forgot to say this and I totally meant to, in this story Jeremy still works for Donovan Decker and India is away. Eli is here but for the pure fact of my fiction he doesn't do much (I love him, don't get me wrong, I just love Jeremy more ;))

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Sometimes in life what you want most is taken from you. Sometimes you can't get it back while other times you have to suffer and see it in the arms of someone else. When my heart broke, my world shattered and I fell to pieces in a moment. I had to watch Billy tell someone else "It's you" and I couldn't take that. I couldn't take the pain of knowing that was once me... and I was too late because I didn't get it when he told me. Then my world really crumbled when I lost my job. Not only did I lose out on having Billy be more to me, I lost out on having a job that had been my dream for so long. So many things went wrong that day, so many emotions and hopes were crushed.

Now it doesn't matter, I'm going to get my job back. I'm going to make everything all better and even though I can't fix my broken heart, I can fix my broken spirit.

The texts and calls from Jeremy only got more desperate as time went on:

_Jane- Gray has gone mad.. She's gone through ten assistance since you've been gone and she's completely overworked. You need to get here NOW. Nothing has gone right since you left. _

_Much love,_

_Jeremy_

_Jane-I really need a response. We don't know what to do here, Gray trusts NO ONE. There's a huge runway show and she's MIA. Jane?!_

_Jane- Where the hell are you? We need you, NOW._

_Jane- Gray is withholding our pieces. DD will only fail if someone doesn't talk some sense into her! This is serious! _

I can try; I can save Donovan Decker from losing its reputation in this industry.

Surprisingly I get a few texts from Billy but I ignore them, I can't let the heartbreak I feel for him control me anymore. This time I'm choosing my job over Billy. When I think that thought I begin to cry ugly tears as I'm driving to Donovan Decker. I'm leaving him behind, I'm letting him go. I let out a loud sob almost losing control of the car. I don't think I could ever let this boy go. I need to though because he has someone he loves and it isn't me anymore.

I arrive at the place I haven't been since my termination and all the memories come flooding back. I check my face out in the mirror and frown at the ugly red blotches sprinkling my face. I wipe away what I can of my tears and get out of the car and race into the building.

Before I even reach the door it is being flung open for me, "Jane! Thank god you're here!" Jeremy's English accent was filled with stress and has lost all charm. For some reason anyone that works here has an unknown desire to keep this name reputable. "Jane, are you alright?" He asked switching from stressed to concerned. "Yeah, I'm great. Where's Gray?" "Okay…" He says unsure. "She's in her cave right now."

We're rushing to get to the back where Gray's office is located and I look in through the clear doors to see a very not put together Gray. She looked ten times more tired than she usually did, her hair was a mess, and she was wearing.. I gasp. "Oh my god, Jeremy is she wearing-" He cut me off, "Jeans? Yes. I have never in all my time here seen Gray wear jeans." I close my hung open mouth at such a surprising sight and we walk in. Gray's scribbling a mile a minute on papers and erasing like crazy. She's ignoring her phone which is ringing off the hook and she looks so stressed out.

"Gray, Jane's here. Let us help." Jeremy said gently afraid of the ticking bomb that is the woman before us.

"Get her out of my office, NOW!" She yelled. She didn't even bother looking up.

"Gray," I eased into the chair in front of her desk. "You need help. Let us help you." She looked up at me and looked like the tough woman I used to know was gone. She has lost all the ridged edges of her personality and in its place is a hollow, burned out person.

I realize I'm looking into the eyes of a woman not so different from me. She's spinning out of control and dressing different and acting different to gain some semblance of it back. No wonder Billy was so concerned, in trying to hide I was really crying out for help. He was trying to not only help me, he was trying to save me from myself. I don't deserve a best friend like him because he's too good to me and all I can think about is how much it hurts me to love him. I'm selfish.

Gray leaned back in her chair and sighed. Everything going on right now is so uncharacteristic of the boss I used to know. She's slowly unraveling and I can see she's on the verge of a breakdown.

"Fine. Start with coffee. I assume you still know how I like it?" Gray was letting me back in. I was winning and it was really hard to control my excitement. "Of course, I'll go get that." I rush out of the office to the small coffee cart in the courtyard. "Gray's usual please!" I almost yell at the poor coffee worker. He hands me the cup after being extremely meticulous with its content due to Gray's previous reactions to the wrong cup of coffee. Poor guy. I practically throw money at him and race back inside to give Gray her coffee.

I find Gray and Jeremy bent over a new design. "Here you go Gray." I try to hand her the coffee cup but she waves it away. "Throw it away Jane I don't need the caffeine. Now what took you so long?" I gulp because she's surely gone off the deep end. "Sorry," I mutter. "It won't happen again. What are we working on?" I walk over to the other side of the table to get a better view of their new creation. I peered down and was amazed at the level of intricacy in this design. "Can this be done?" I gawk wide eyed. Jeremy looks at me with disproving eyes and I mouth back 'sorry' before anything could be done.

I can see this new design is supposed to be a cocktail dress, but it has way too much going on. "Take out the cutouts and put lace on it instead. Lace is timeless and classic and always reliable." I received two shocked looks from both Jeremy and Gray. "Jane," Jeremy said in his thick accent. "You're brilliant!" He kissed my cheek and moved to a different table erasing and putting in the detail I described. I blushed, "You were probably just looking at it for too long and over thinking it."

Idea after design after garment was passed by us and each time we tweaked something to make it simpler. Before I knew it, we were done and Gray had visibly relaxed. "Jane, come back to my office on Monday, we'll discuss our employment options. You have done well." I thought I saw a wisp of a smile, but I shook it off and excitedly took the unofficial job offer.

I let out a big sigh of relief, I did what I sought out to do. I saved my job and repaired my spirit. My heart will come soon, I need to give it time.

Jeremy had walked out into the courtyard with me to say our goodbyes. "Thank you so much Jane, you really saved us." I smiled, "I really couldn't have wanted to do anything else. This is… This is my dream, Jeremy." It was his turn to smile and he wrapped his arms around me in a hug, "I've missed you. Are you sure you don't want to go get drinks?" I laugh knowing he's kidding but still feel the need to politely turn him down. "Yes, I'm sure. Didn't you hear why I was fired anyways?" He chuckled, "Age is simply a number, Jane." I roll my eyes at his attempt at charm and in this moment I miss Billy more than ever. He kissed my temple, and the feeling became stronger, "Well, I must be getting back, but I'll see you around, yeah?" I nod and let the happiness wash over me. He turned around and walked back into the building.

I go to walk towards the car when I'm stopped by someone calling my name, "Jane? Jane! Wait up!" I turn towards the person calling my name and I'm met with someone I didn't really want to see.

"Hello Eli…" I say.

"Listen, I feel awful for how things ended." He grabbed my hands. "How did things work out for you and that special guy of yours?" I cringed a little at the question. "Not well. Things didn't pan out for us."

He got close to me, a little too close, "So does that mean I can have another shot? I know what I did was wrong, but I care about you Jane." I was suddenly very uncomfortable with his lack of respect for my personal space. "Eli, I don't think that's going to work for us… Just because things didn't work out doesn't mean I still don't love him-" before I could get another word out Eli's lips were on mine. They smothered me in intensity and it felt wrong. I didn't want this, all I wanted was my knight in shining converse to come and save me from this monster. I pushed him off of me, but then I made eye contact with the one person I was just hoping would come save me.

"Billy." I whispered. He looked devastated and so hurt. He looked as awful as I have felt since the play. All of my pain on the inside showed on his face and I wanted nothing more than to run up to him and hug it all away. I decide that is the best idea I've had in a long time. I leave Eli behind and run for my best friend. He just stands there in utter confusion and he starts to look extremely pissed. I'm cursing all things in my head at this very moment.

I reach him, "Billy, why are you here? How did you find me?" He took a step back, "No hold on Jane what the hell was that?" He pointed to where he saw the unfortunate incident. He called me Jane out loud which tells me he's beyond angry. "He-" I didn't get to finish my sentence because Billy was getting even angrier and I didn't get why. "You know what Jane? I came all the way over here to save your ass because Ms. Shaw is threatening to suspend you and this is what I see? You snuck off to make out with _him_?" "Wait, Billy hold on a second."

He walks away but I grab his shoulder, "What do you mean I'm being threatened with a suspension?"

"I mean Ms. Shaw is going to suspend you and I came to find you. Turns out you were perfectly fine." He spat his words at me and it hurt. He was hurting me to push me away and I could see that but that didn't stop my own anger rising in my stomach.

"Billy. What the hell has gotten into you? You are being ridiculous!" My voice is being raised, but I don't care because he can't talk to me like this and make me feel bad for a situation I never asked for.

"No I'm pissed because I came all the way here, Jane. Do you get that?" He yelled at me. He actually raised his voice to me. That's never really happened before. "And you know what? Zoe just told me she slept with another guy, but here I am, coming to get YOU because I'm in love with you!" I froze. What? He was in love with me? I couldn't move, I couldn't breath and nothing was working right in my brain. He took a couple steps back again, "But no. Because I had no idea you were such trash." That cut a wound so deep I'm not sure what to do. He called me trash. My eyes begin to fill with tears and it takes only a second for them to stream down my face.

"Don't worry Billy, I'll get back to the school and I'll take care of myself. I should have known falling in love with you would have been a problem." I was so angry I didn't care that I sounded like a wailing walrus. We both stomped off in opposite directions. I headed to The Beast and Billy went towards however he got here. I didn't care where he was going, and quite frankly I hope I never find out.

I climbed into the car and the tears took over my face. My insides hurt and I felt like I was going to throw up. We just admitted to falling in love with one another and now we're so angry we could possibly never talk again. He's my best friend and now… Now I'm not even sure we are even going to try to know each other in public.

I've never felt something like this. Even when I found out Nick cheated on me with Lulu, I never felt this. I never felt like the trash I was called. I never felt like my insides were going to somehow make an appearance. I never felt so alone.

I calm myself down long enough to get the car going and out into the street. I cry all the way to the school, but once I get out I make myself stop. I walk back into the school and head to my guidance councilor's office. How fitting.

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lol wow this was like a zillion pages long…. Okay I didn't want Jane and Billy to just be like "I love you!" and everything is great, I wanted to create a problem. And Billy always seems to say things that he later regrets when he's upset. Like with Zoe, "You were such a colossal waste of time." So hold tight! And as always thank you for reading! And also thank you for ranting with me!


	12. Angry And Heartbroken

So sorry it feels like forever since I've updated.. lol I'm not sure why it just has. Big thanks to Jane-By-Design-Lover! She's the best and you really need to go read her stories. Most importantly Just Go With It (I'mTheBeta*cough*) lol

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I stalk back towards Ben's car. I saw Jane in tears and yet I kept walking. Everything going on right now is so crazy. I had just watched her kiss that other guy and I really don't get why life has to laugh at me in the face. Why can't I ever have my own moment? Why is there always another guy there to steal her away from me?

"Hey! Excuse me!" I heard behind me. I kept walking. "Hey you! Spikey hair guy!" Seriously? I stop abruptly and turn on my heal. "What?" I scream at this mystery guy who I haven't identified yet. When I focus on his face I see it is Eli. That bastard, honestly? He has to kiss Jane and then come talk to me?

"Listen, whatever you saw, what I just saw was much worse. _I_ kissed _her_ okay?" Eli spoke and I wanted nothing more than to sink my fist into his perfect little face. "Is that right? Well I don't care, I know what I saw, dirt bag. I'm leaving. Peace." I gave him a peace sign just to give my hand something to do because otherwise I would have followed through with knocking his face in. I walk away and clench my fists at my side. I make it to the car a block away and sit there for a moment before pounding the steering wheel. I hate this! I hate that I can't do anything right when it comes to Jane.

I start the car and pull it into the street completely seeing red. I drive back to my apartment knowing Ben at least had The Beast to use as a car while I borrowed his. I plopped down on the couch too angry to think about doing anything else. Jane said she loved me. What? How can she pull crap like that and still kiss another guy? I thought I knew her. Maybe we didn't know each other as well as we thought. But when I saw Eli touch her… I wanted to kill him.

Jealousy? Is this what this is? How was I not this upset when I found out about Zoe, but when I saw Jane and Eli, I lost it. How could I do that? I called my own best friend trash… I get up from the couch and start pacing the space in front of me. I run a hand through my hair again, messing it up even more than I did earlier today.

Sometimes two people don't get to be together no matter how much they want to. Sometimes friendship really can't last.

Why hello Jane's POV!

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I make it to Ms. Shaw's office just in time with mere seconds to spare.

I plunk down into the chair in front of her, "Hello, Ms. Shaw." My voice was hoarse and it didn't sound like mine on any regular day. I told myself to keep everything in until I got home.

"Jane? Are you… Are you alright?" She asked me with clear concern while putting her papers down. I couldn't do this, I can't keep this together. "No," I replied. 'No I'm not alright because my best friend is someone that I'm in love with and he saw some other guy kiss me and he called me," I paused and whimpered quietly. "He called me trash." I completely unloaded my sadness on poor Ms. Shaw. A tear ran down my face, but I wiped it quickly away. I was tired of crying all the time and I was tired of feeling this broken. I was just tired.

Ms. Shaw handed me a tissue, "Jane, I know this hurts right now, but you both seem a little… emotional. Maybe Billy simply lashed out because that's how he handles painful situations. Seeing someone else kiss you probably hurt him. Give it time and then talk to him again. Or, if you would like, I can talk to him and see what's going on. We can mediate if necessary." I sat there for a moment letting the current situation sink in. I wipe my eyes with the tissue.

"Thanks Ms. Shaw, but, I uh, I don't think I want to resolve this. I just keep getting hurt." I lean back in the chair feeling utterly hopeless. The boy I loved was so angry at me and I was so angry at him. How did things get so bad?

"Don't lose hope. Hope is what keeps us together when everything else is falling apart. If anything you don't want to lose what friendship you have with Billy. From what I can tell and from what Ben tells me, you guys have been through it all with each other. This is only a rough patch, every relationship has one." She's looking at me with sympathy and kindness in her eyes.

"Ms. Shaw, maybe some friendships can't last and no matter how much two people want to be together… It may not work out. Timing just isn't on their side." I begin to cry and I feel completely embarrassed. My guidance councilor may be my brother's girlfriend, but crying in front of her just seems too much. So I ask, "Can I please see Ben now?" I sounded heartbroken and in pain. She nodded her head, "Of course Jane." I get up from my place in the chair and I use the door connecting their two offices together. I walk in and close the door behind me, just standing there letting the tears overcome me.

"Jane?" I hear my big brother ask. I let out a tiny cry and he knows I'm not okay. He comes over to me and wraps his arms around my shoulders while I cry. I fall into his embrace and my emotions come sputtering out.

"What happened?" He asked while stroking my head in a comforting manner. "Billy happened…" I sob into his shirt. That's all I had to say and that was all the information Ben needed. "Let's get you home okay, kiddo?"

Xxxxx

Don't hate me. Or if you do, I would love to have some ranting happening.. I feel like I have not ranted nearly enough today so please.. Let's just rant together :) Next chapter is my absolute favorite so far and I'm uploading it ASAP (meaning in like 5 minutes lol)


	13. Walking Down The Halls

Prepare to be hit right in the feels with this one. This is my favorite chapter.. ever so basically I couldn't wait to upload it.

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It's been ten long years since I've stepped a foot down these halls. I pass my old locker and smile remembering who stood by me while I used this locker. I wonder… I tried my old combination and hit it just in the right spot… Bang! It popped open and I chuckled to myself. They can change the outside of this place all they want, but the inside will always be Whitemarsh. I close the locker carefully and proceed down the hall.

For a moment I see a memory playing out before me, I see myself running around the school with a boy I haven't seen in ten long years. He's trying to hide me from a crazy coworker that quit the business eight or so years ago to start a family with a very handsome Brit. I walk a little further and I see where Ms. Shaw, now Mrs. Quimby's office used to be, but now the space is occupied by a large column. The school renovated back about five years ago. Now my sister-in-law works as a mediation councilor while my brother still works here doing what he loves.

I finally make it to the cafeteria and take a deep breath. I look down and straighten out my black pencil skirt. I check my red blouse and make sure I'm all in order before I feed myself to the lions. This is it, Jane Quimby, back in the life you worked so hard to forget.

I open the door and enter seeing all the familiar faces from my youth. I see Harper by the punch bowl talking to a very nerdy looking man I couldn't recognize. I saw her lean in to kiss him and she put her hand on her now noticeable baby belly. I stifle a laugh knowing she married someone like him, but I mentally wished her the best anyways. I walk a little more into the cafeteria and stand off to the side watching everyone. I've been dreading seeing the one person that meant the most to me while I was here. It hurts knowing we fell apart and didn't try to fix it. I missed him… I then lay eyes on the star baseball player and smile. He doesn't look a day over nineteen. It's funny because as I stand here watching everyone, not one person has looked at me, not one has made eye contact. I guess some things just never change. I was always invisible here.

Then I look over at the door and watch as two new people have arrived. I see the outrageous faux hawk and know immediately who is here and I instantly feel like crawling into a hole. He doesn't even look around, he looks over at my direction and his eyes are set on mine. A rush of sadness comes over me because his arm is draped around someone's shoulders. I guess I shouldn't be shocked that he would end up with Lulu Pope… who is probably called Lulu Nutter now. How didn't I know about this? I guess a lot can happen in ten years. The pain in my chest is overwhelming with me knowing he married someone like Lulu. I loved him so much back then and yet the sucker punch feeling is just as strong as if I had just realized I loved him.

He leans over to whisper in Lulu's ear and walks over to me. He waves, "Hey there Jane. You look," He looks me over. "You look amazing." I blush because no one has paid me this kind of attention since, well, high school. "Hi Billy, you too." I haven't said his name out loud in so long I almost forgot what it felt like to belong on my tongue, but he hasn't left my thoughts since that day at Donovan Decker. I notice his style as changed, most likely to accommodate his demanding father-in-law. He looks like punk-rock meets preppy, douchey Billy now and I can't stand it. The feeling in the pit of my stomach is revolting and I just want to flee. I want to forget how I feel and move on. To me it looks like Billy had no problem with that. I guess I was always the stupid girl that fell too hard and too fast for someone. Billy was no exception.

He steps in front of me and we share a very awkward hug and after a few seconds he pulls away. "So…" I started. "You and Lulu, huh?" He looks down and clenches his jaw. "Yeah, I guess. Towards the end of our senior year we found out she got pregnant from when I slept with her one time. Now we have three kids and… I won't lie Jane life sucks. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids. I just don't know if I love Lulu, but I'm staying for them. They're great." I took a step back at all he just unloaded on me. We haven't talked since… since the fight we had at Donovan Decker. "Oh, Billy, I'm sorry." He shakes his head, "I'm not, my kids are amazing. My youngest daughter, Casey reminds me a lot of you. She sketches all the time and she's getting really good." I smile, he's happy and so I should be too.

Just then a long forgotten face appears beside Billy. "Hey guys, it's been so long!" Zoe says. She leans in to hug Billy but his posture becomes ridged. "I always knew you two would end up together." Almost at the same time Billy and I stop her assumptions. I say, "Oh, no no. We're not together. I'm flying solo and he's married. To Lulu."

Her mouth hangs open, "No way… I lied for nothing." Billy and I both give her puzzling looks. She clarifies, "Well, I'm sure you forgot by now," She gestures to Billy. "I once told you I cheated on you… I never did. I only said that so you didn't have to stick around with me anymore and go after… Well, Jane. You guys just seemed destined for each other or something." It's so strange that everyone is being so open tonight. Billy cleared his throat, "Well, how have you been Zoe?" She smiled a big smile in response, "Pretty great. I settled down with a simple guy." Just then Nick Fadden joins our group and puts an arm around Zoe's waist while kissing her cheek. We all put the pieces together pretty quickly.

"Oh I'm so happy for you, for the both of you." I say. I look at my watch and realize I've been here entirely too long, the office always stays open for me to work in. After I graduated early from this very school, Gray announced her retirement and I was then able to take it over after she left. I haven't been happier because I'm married to my dream job.

"Well, it was really nice seeing you all. I have to get back to work and see Ben on my way out. I'll keep in touch with everyone though okay?" I waved my goodbyes and evacuated that awkward situation.

"Hey Janey, wait up!" I turn around at the sound of my old nickname. No one has called me that in ten years except Ben and it happened pretty rarely. Billy had followed me out into the cool hallway. "Hey." He said and my resolve almost crumbled. "Hi." I spoke in return while kicking an invisible pebble with my shoe. "Listen Janey if I could do one thing over, I would have come back to you after our fight. Things aren't the same without you in my life and they haven't been for ten years. I've missed you." I was stunned by his soft outburst. "I have missed you too Billy," I whispered as a small tears glides down my cheek. "I guess we just grew apart." I said. He grabbed my hand, "No matter how angry I was, Janey, I always would have come back to you. Talk to me Jane." And then Billy is yelling at me to talk to him.

I wake up in a gross sweat from head to toe. I scream a little at the dream I just had. I didn't know Billy, he didn't know me. The thought alone killed me inside. I can't decide if I just had a nightmare or if this really is all the future holds for me. Do I really want this job if it means losing Billy? Do I really want to give up on the only boy that has ever paid any attention to me?

I lay in bed until day breaks. It's Friday… Maybe I can play sick.

xxxxx

Did I fool anyone? Let me know how you feel after reading this! You are all so awesome I don't even have words… So just thank you.


	14. In A Heartbeat

Last chapter got people I hear… Muwaaahahahaha :) I loved writing it and I'm so glad it was welcomed with open arms.. I hope you didn't give up as soon as I established Billy had kids.. cuz it was only a dream! Billy doesn't have kids I can assure you. :) (so if you stopped… GOBACKNOW!)

Also I'm really curious as to who is reading my story.. Are there any boys? Because I would adore it if boys read this lol also also.. I would love connecting with my readers so if you have an instagram, twitter, or tumblr tell me! I'd love to follow you! (lol wow.. that was creepy in a lot of way for me to say..)

Okay on with the story…

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I stay in bed but put on my scratchy morning voice, "Beeeeeeen" I call. I hear some shuffling and then my big brother appears at my doorway, "What's up Jane?" I cough for effect. "I don't feel very good.." I moan in sickness to really lay it on. "So… what am I supposed to do?" It's really hard not to laugh at Ben sometimes. He doesn't really know what he's doing, but he's trying and that's really all that counts. "I can't go to school like this Ben…" I cough a little more. Maybe my acting skills really have improved. "That is the worst fake cough I have ever heard. You're going to school Jane." Or… Maybe they haven't.

I very much don't want to go to school today so to really put on the sick act I make a break for the bathroom clasping a hand over my mouth. I shove Ben gently away so I could get by. Once I reach the bathroom I slam the door behind me and I make some gagging noises and other noises that I assume happens when I throw up for real. Soon I hear a gentle knocking on the door and a quiet, "Jane?" It's funny because I can picture Ben's ghostly white face at the thought of me or anyone throwing up. He's a very squeamish man and throw up pushes him over the edge. I almost feel bad for making Ben feel so uncomfortable.

"I'm okay…" I mutter. "I'll get ready for school now…"

"No no you obviously need to stay home. I'll tell Rita when I get to school." I can hear his footsteps leading away from the bathroom door. I can imagine he's already at the kitchen sink splashing cold water on his face. He really can't stand vomit, how has he survived all these years?

I decide to stay in the bathroom until Ben leaves just in case he still thinks I'm faking. I'm just being careful. Soon Ben is back at the door knocking lightly, "Hey kiddo I'm outta here. Can I get you anything?" I call back while plugging my nose to create the right effect, "No, thanks. I'm just gonna go crawl back in bed…"

He buys it and I feel a little deceptive. "Okay well I have my phone if you need me and listen Jane, even if you don't want anything to do with him, I know Billy would do anything for you in a heartbeat. If you need something we're gonna be just at school okay? I'll see you later. Feel better!" He left the door and made his way to the front of the house to leave.

The whole reason I was pretending to be sick was to avoid Billy. This is ridiculous, I'm avoiding my best friend. I know he called me trash but maybe Ms. Shaw was right, maybe he lashes out when he's angry. It's happened before right? I know for a fact it has, but never with me. He has never raised his voice at me like he did yesterday. But my dream last night… It was so real. I had returned to school for my high school reunion and Billy and I weren't friends and we had nothing to do with one another. I don't want a future like that. I don't want to pick my job over Billy because he's way more important to me than any job.

I think back to his court date when he told me to go to the fashion show instead of his court appearance. I picked my job over him that day and maybe we would be together right now if I hadn't done that. Too many "maybe's" are involved in our relationship and I just don't know how it started getting like this.

I want to see Billy, but I know he has so much anger inside of him that seeing me would cause too many problems. I hate that he saw me with Eli and that Eli even tried that. I guess a part of me understands why he did it. I did tell him the boy I left him to go after didn't feel the same and I guess that could be interpreted as an opening… I don't know and I don't want to think about it. I just know I owe Eli a huge apology. He's too much of a nice guy to be treated this way and he should know he's a great guy.

A great guy that Billy saw me kissing, that's what it comes down to. I feel like no matter what my thoughts are always going to come back to Billy. I walk out of the bathroom and into the kitchen. Billy has been my best friend since third grade and I don't know what to do without him. It's been me and him for so long that now any thought of life without him really isn't doable. I need to fix this, but I don't know how to start or where to start for that matter.

I look out the window and all I see are memories of two little kids playing make believe and growing into better friends. I see a little girl with wild black curly hair and I see a blonde haired little boy chasing each other in a game of tag. The situation changes and the little children are a bit older. The girl has tamed her curls, but they are far from gone and the boy has started wearing different clothes, not that the girl minded. They had a huge refrigerator box that they decided to put up and pretend it was a sports car. The boy always insisted on driving while the girl put on her pretend make up in the pretend mirror in the pretend front seat. Then they get out of the box and I hear the boy say, "Janey, lets play house!" The little girl agrees and they pretend to live together, happily married with six kids. Each kid was represented by a stuffed animal of course. They then made the sports car into a minivan and carefully set each animal in a pretend seat.

Then time really flies because the curly hair little girl has long straight hair. She's wearing a more girly outfit complete with a skirt and printed top. The two pieces together are a bad combination, but it's clear she's trying. She's lying on her belly in the grass under a large tree sketching in her sketchbook. Then I see the now thin and lanky boy whom is assumed to be the blonde haired boy from before. He has colored the tips of his hair blue and is now spiking it up in all directions. He's sneaking up on the girl sketching and quickly flies to the ground to poke her sides. She's surprised at first but the real surprise comes when she notices his hair for the first time. Her mouth is hanging open but it turns into a smile. "It's so you." She said while messing his hair up and then noticing the blue coming off on her hands. "Gotcha!" He exclaimed laughing as he leaned back to lie on the grass looking up at the sky.

The scene changes and the leaves have turned a beautiful red and gold color. The young girl looks a year or two older, definitely fifteen, and her style has evened out since the last setting. Her hair is back to the curly way it was in her childhood, but more refined. I can see her sitting against the tree and she looks miserable. Tears are streaming down her face and her knees are pulled up to her chin. She's hugging her legs so tightly it's as if they could fly away and she'd never walk again. Soon, just like in the previous situations the boy, now even taller than the girl and hair gelled into what would be his signature faux hawk, comes into view, running towards the girl. He gets on his knees and wraps his arms around her. She lays her head against his chest and lets her sobs wrack her body. "He's gone" were the only two words the girl spoke.

I turn away from the window done with seeing what used to be. Tears have pricked my eyes because he's the best friend that I ever had. I remember that day so vividly and Billy was there through it all. It was that day that he finally got me to open up about my father's death on the porch and I'll never regret being so open about my emotions to him like I would any other boy. Even my brother.

I go back to my bed. I need Billy. I find my phone and open a new message addressed to Billy.

_I don't want to talk and I don't want to fight anymore. I need you Billy. –Jane_

I look at the text for a few more seconds and in that time I decided against sending it. He's still angry at me because he hasn't tried to talk to me and I'm sure he doesn't miss me today. Like he said, I'm just trash. These thoughts send me reeling and I cry frustrated tears into my pillow.

Sometimes I think the world enjoys mocking me.

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Can I just say I don't deserve such wonderful people that review… Honestly I love all of you. It amazes me that this story almost has as many views as my Hunger Games story The Mistakes We Make and I had a tooooonn more chapters on that story. You guys make this worth it for me and I'm really glad people like this story as much as I do.. I wish abc family could see how many people actually care about this show…

Oh ps. You all better go spread some love to Jane-By-Design-Lover's story as well as Bree6112's. I know you all are amazing and can at least review on their stories if you like it or not.. Just give them something, anything. Even a smiley face. Lol well okay maybe a little more than a smiley face.. K I'm droning on and on now..


	15. The Mess I Made

Perfect song for this chapter (seriously you must listen to it while reading) : The Mess I Made by Parachute.. Honestly it says "And it's you, and it's you, And it's you, and it's you, And it's falling down, as you walk away, And it's on me now, as you go" So many feels for my story when I heard this because Billy said angry things to Jane and he feels bad. And hello the freaking song says "It's you." If that isn't Billy.. I don't even have to finish that because it is just SOOO Billy.

Lol okay.. uhm.. anyways.. Listen to the song while reading :) and thank you for taking the time to read this, you all are amazing.

xxxxx

I feel like shit. I feel like the world hates me and just wants me to suffer. I'm not even mad anymore, if anything I'm hurt. Janey doesn't get how great she is, she has so much to offer and she never sees it. I shouldn't be surprised when another guy sees it, if I do, why couldn't they? We may have said we loved each other but right now I really don't think it did anything.

I hurt her in ways I swore to myself I never would. Ever since the first time she cried over a guy, I vowed to never treat her in a way that would make her feel like that.

I remember the moment so clearly. I lay in bed and let the memories take me back to when our friendship made sense.

We were in the sixth grade and Janey had the biggest crush on Nick Fadden which I guess never went away, even though it probably should have. I was standing in the corner during recess because I had pulled Harper's "perfect" hair just so she would stop picking on Janey. Even back then I was protective of my best friend. While I was standing there, completely bored out of my mind I saw a rush of black curls go by me. I looked after what I knew to be the only person that understood me. I looked around making sure no teacher was there to bust me from escaping my punishment. The coast was clear so I ran after her, but she was going pretty fast. Something had to have been really wrong for her to be so wild right then.

I almost missed her because she had sat behind a dumpster, but her quiet crying gave her away.

"Janey?" I asked and she wiped at her eyes. "Nothing. I'm fine." She said really quickly and got to her feet. I went over to her sensing she needed a hug and gave one to her. She wrapped her arms around me quickly and put her forehead against my shoulder and started crying again. She sniffed a few times and then spoke again, "I finally got up the nerve to talk to Nick and… He said my hair was ugly because curly hair isn't pretty…" I didn't know what to say because I didn't know how to deal with girl problems like this. But I had to think of something but this was Jane and she did so much for me. "I like your hair Janey." She laughed a little. "You have to like it you're my best friend. Maybe I'll just straighten it." She said. "I guess, if you really want to, but it sounds like a lot of work." I told her. She shook her head and stepped away from me, "That's okay. I just want him to like me…" I felt sad when she said that because in that moment I realized just how great Jane was and she had no idea.

Who knew I would say those words to Nick several years later.

I told Jane, "Listen, I like your hair and if he doesn't like you just because of your hair then he's a real meathead." She smiled at that and said, "Thank you Billy, you're the best." She kissed me on the cheek and it was the first time she ever did that.

I remember that so clearly and I told myself I would never make her so upset like Fadden did. Except I let Fadden do that to her twice, but he wasn't the problem anymore.

When I saw Jane kissing Eli I couldn't see or think straight. I should have turned around when I walked away. I should have called her name and told her to stop and talk it out. I should have taken everything back and now I have to deal with the mess I made and now Janey has to pick herself up due to my stupidity. I made her freaking cry and I can't believe the hurt I saw on her face and how I didn't even try to comfort her. I was too caught up in my own pain to worry about her and she deserves better. Maybe Eli will treat her better than me. Maybe he can be her knight in shining armor because I clearly can't.

I love her so much and now I screwed everything up. I take my pillow and press it against my face to hold in all the screams I put into it. I felt better, but not completely. The horrendous guilt I feel is overwhelming and I can't do anything about it. I don't want to see Jane right now. No, I don't want her to see me. What I said was so uncalled for and I wish I could take it all back, I wish I could grab her face and really tell her how I feel because that's what I should have done. Instead I acted like a coward and just walked away as she walked back to The Beast in tears.

I decide to call the school and say I'm not coming in. I get up and walk to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I dial the school and pretend to be Tommy saying I won't be in. It works because Tommy's never called for me for anything and they know nothing of what his actual voice is.

I sit back on my bed leaning against the wall and grab my phone. I start typing a message to Jane.

_Janey, I'm so sorry. I don't want to keep fighting.. You're my best friend and I miss you. –Jackass _

I look at it for a whole thirty seconds and I hit end discarding the message. If she wanted to see or talk to me she would say so. Jane has never been one to not talk unless something is very much wrong with her.

Who knew telling you I love her would lead me to this place? Who knew I would feel so bad about it? Who knew I would give up? Give up? Did I just think about giving up? No, Billy Nutter does not give up and he definitely does not give up on his best friend no matter what.

I decide to give Jane the weekend free of me because I've done too much, but come Monday I promised myself I would do something instead of sit here and wallow in self pity.

I need to do something.

xxxxx

Seriously I've listened to this one song on loop while I write this.. So perfect. Also I'm just heartbroken I won't see this couple on tv anymore. I loved them and they were truly my One True Pairing. If I keep going I'll just hurt more so..

K also go see Jane-By-Design-Lover. Seriously, this girl's only in 7th grade, but she's so good! Give it a shot okay? That's all I ask… And don't forget Bree6112, her story takes on a whole new twist and it is so seat gripping in a sense that you hate the cliff hangers (but she updates really fast so it's okay :) ) Please, for me, look into these two wonderful authors. And a huge thanks to Goodgirl21 for being my beta :) SO awesome.

Okay, leave me some rants about even April Blaire giving up hope.. Cuz I just need to be upset with someone. Tell me how you feel because I'm right there with you.


	16. Hating High School

Okay guys, first you are all perfect and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! I have received so many reviews and pms that like I just can't.. I don't have words. Just thank you from the bottom of my heart..

Okay, here we go another chapter because you guys deserve it. And a huge thanks to Goodgirl21 for being my beta

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It's Monday, and today's the day I get at least one thing I miss back. I guess because I haven't heard from Billy he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. It looks like it isn't a choice between my job and best friend now. I sigh and walk into the school behind Ben and follow him to his office. I sit down in the chair in front of his desk, "Ben, I hate high school." He turns back to me and smiles, "No that's impossible, you're a Quimby. One Quimby does not simply hate high school." He says that last sentence in a stuffy English accent. I laugh at his attempt at humor anyways.

"But really Ben I'm not like you. I'm not popular and I don't have friends. Friends are usually what make this experience a good one and I'm lacking in that department as previously mentioned." I say. Ben occupies his chair and leans all the way back so his feet are dangling off the floor, "You know kid, you had a friend once, I think he was your best friend even… Oh what was his name… Hold on… It'll come to me…" He's messing with me to make some absurd point I'm sure. "Billy Nutter and I just can't anymore." I say to him trying to cut this short. "No, I think his name was like Trevor or something…" Ben said still trying to be funny. I throw a ball at him that was in arms reach and he catches it and laughs. "Okay," he says. "I know you and Billy are still hitting a rough patch but it's been like three days, give it time Jane." I get up to head to my locker with little to no extra time to run into anyone before I race off to my class, "We've never fought this long Ben. And I don't want to be the one that always talks first… I want him to be happy. I want him to want to talk to me and want me back, I don't want to push him into being friends with me by me taking first." With that I leave Ben's office and head towards my locker.

I reach what should be called my locker, but most of the time I call it hell in metal form. I look at it and quietly tell it to open, "Okay, Billy isn't here and I need you to open without him okay?" I realize I'm extremely silly for talking to an inanimate object, but and open it with only three tries this time and a very forceful bump of my fist. I open my locker and frown at the first thing I see. I don't have the heart to remove it, but it kills me to see it. Taped to the back wall of my locker is a great picture of me and Billy when we were kids. It's a picture my dad took of us playing with the refrigerator box and pretending to be a family. I sigh and look down at my shoes. Everything I said to Ben was true, but that didn't make it any easier to accomplish. Seeing this picture, it makes me want to run around the school until I find him, tackle him, make him promise we will never fight again and live happily ever after.

My happily ever afters just don't want to come true.

I close my locker and head straight for class knowing I only have the time it will take to walk to the classroom before the bell rings. I'm very meticulous in how I avoid Billy and if it means making literally no time between classes for anything than so be it. I must do whatever it takes to make Billy happy because for all these years he's been doing that for me. No matter what I say or what I do, I miss him. I wish he missed me.

I reach the classroom and take my seat. As usual class was boring, but I successfully took detailed notes despite its lackluster content. The day was going by fast and I wasn't complaining. After my next class I was able to leave for work and I've never been so glad to do so. I gather my things and time it so I was leaving right when the bell rang, it was really a beautiful timing I had down. I hid in the girl's bathroom for three minutes of the passing time and then was on my way to class.

But then my plan went down the toilet because there before me was Billy. I'm frozen for a moment in fear of what this situation will bring but then I realize that he hasn't seen me yet and I have time to duck into the next classroom. My heart breaks at having to do this and not be able to talk to him. All I want to do is tell him about my job and about Ben and Rita and how Ben's so close to proposing, and I want to tell him all about my trip to my mom's because I never got a chance to and I want to tell him Eli means nothing to me. But most of all I want to be able to tell him I love him and I can't.

I watch as he strides by, hiding in the vacant science room. When I decide he's gone far enough I sneak back out and run to my last class of the day hoping I don't miss the bell. Luckily for me I walk through the door right as the shrill bell sounds. I take my seat feeling just as horrible as ever.

As usual I'm ignored by the people around me but it doesn't matter because my mind isn't in this room. My mind is with the boy that is breaking my heart. Knowing he hasn't reached out to me is what stings the most and sends a new kind of pain throughout my body. Why is this so hard? Why is life getting in the way? Don't I deserve happiness too?

So many questions were floating around in my mind that no one could answer and I knew that. I was completely oblivious to the fact class was still going on and for once I was actually called on, of course while I wasn't paying attention.

"Jane?" My teacher asked getting my attention. "What?" I replied. "Well, I don't have all day Ms. Quimby, what's your answer?" I wracked my brain for a suitable answer to a question I didn't even. Oh come on world! "Uhm.. two?" Two always seems to be the right answer in math classes. Then I realized I wasn't in math, I was in English and my face turn every shade of red as the class erupted in a fit of giggles. I tried hiding in my hair and cowering behind my hands, but it was no use, the damage was done.

The rest of the class went smoothly after Mrs. Older-Than-Dirt brought us back. Now I'm sitting waiting for the bell to ring so I can leave and regain some normalcy to my life. I watch the seconds tick by on the clock and think about how slow it was going. I was half way out of my seat when it reached three seconds left. Then I walked to the door just in time for the bell to sound. I smiled at my timing.

I decide to make one last trip to my locker to put away the books I don't know. I hate carrying around things I don't need when I have a perfectly good locker just waiting to hold all my stuff. I wasn't as lucky with my locker door this time as I was this morning. I try the lock four times and have to hit the door at least three times. It eventually flies open though. I shuffle things around and then notice an envelope marked "Janey" on it. I grab it and turn it over determining what was inside. It was a small note, but I don't have time for it now. I race out to meet Ben by his car that he got back from Billy the day before yesterday.

"Still hate high school kiddo?" Ben asked me as I climb into his car.

"As much as ever." I reply and he laughs.

The note is burning a small hole in my pocket, but I try hard to forget about it until I'm on the train. Until then I'll just have to ignore it.

xxxxx

A note I say? What? Haha you'll see don't worry. Up next is Billy because I love him and we all know I can't go very long without a little bit of his POV and hair because lets be honest his hair is just.. okay anyways. Lol

Don't hesitate to sound off about the show being cancelled! I have so many feels since listening to Happy by Secrets In Stereo.. Gosh guys. :(


	17. If It Makes You Happy

Everyone thank all the youtube videos that gave me the feels to make this happen.

Also huge thank you to Jane-By-Design-Lover she is the sweetest person ever go check out her stories right now!

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I haven't seen Jane in three days and I know I need to give her space but this is harder than imaginable. She's my Janey and I can't do this without her, didn't we say we couldn't do any of this without each other? Didn't we say we loved each other? What is wrong with me, what am I doing? I need to do something now because she means more to me than my pride. I want to be the one that makes her happy and she deserves an apology at least.

I get in The Beast and start driving. What I said to Janey was wrong, it was uncalled for and I need her to know I think so much more of her than that. I was upset and I know I shouldn't talk when I'm upset. I say things without thinking to keep myself from getting hurt. When I thought Zoey was with Nick behind my back at rehearsals for the play calling her a colossal waste of time was the only thing I could say. I always feel terrible for what I say when I'm upset, with Zoe I didn't know how to fix it. I thought I loved her and I needed her because Jane was kind of out of reach for me. To say I used her would be a lie, but I feel like I wasn't completely fair to her either. She did nothing wrong during that time and I assumed she did, I guess now I should have kept that assumption. I'm not sure why this time when she actually was cheating on me, I wasn't bothered. I didn't care like I did before and I think I know the reason. Jane. It's always Jane, she is always the reason.

But I've never said something so hurtful like that to Janey before, but that's mostly because I've never been so angry when it comes to her. This time we all got hurt just because I saw Eli kiss her.

If Eli makes her happy, then she should be with him. If he's the guy she wants then I shouldn't be hurting her as my way of saying I don't like it. It doesn't matter to initiated the kiss, I've been there for her through so much and just because I'm in love with her doesn't give me the right to be so awful to her this time. Jane's so special and she has no idea what she can do to me. I protect her in anyway I can and I always have. It's what best friends do.

And she's been there protecting me too. When I was in jail with Tommy she was there waiting with open arms to hug me and make sure I was okay. She cared more about me than anyone in my own family combined.

Before I know it I realize I haven't driven to the school, instead I've driven to the familiar house I still spend so much time at. The car isn't in the driveway so I know I just missed the two Quimby's heading for school. I feel stupid for having not paid attention to where I was going and in doing so I wound up at Jane's house. Some habits die hard I guess.

I make my way to school feeling bad I missed Jane this morning, but she doesn't wait for me to drive her anymore. I get it, but it doesn't make it any easier. I pull into my normal spot in the parking lot and see Ben's car. I try to look inside to see if I can "run into" them when they get out but I was surprised to find it empty. Wow.. How late was I? I looked at the clock and determined I was right on time so I get out of The Beast and make my way inside. I make it to first period a little annoyed that I have yet to see Jane.

Class was boring as usual and I hope these classes fly by. The only thing on my mind is Jane and finding her and talking to her. The bell rings and I sluggishly make it to the door and down the hall deliberately passing Jane's locker in hopes of finding her. I turn the corner and see no one is there but when I look at the other end of the hall I swear I see a flourish of black curls. I walk pretty quickly down the hall to see if my eyes were correct. I really hoped they were. I walked as fast as I could with everyone crowding the halls.

When I turn the corner immediately my hopes are crushed because the black curls I saw belonged to Ms. Clark and a wig she's been carrying around, already planning for the next play. I roll my eyes. I continue down this hall feeling utterly defeated. Finding my best friend never used to be this damn hard. I make my way to class in a completely pissed mood. My attitude is never great when Jane and I are fighting and its even worse knowing I can't tell her how sorry I am. Texting it to her just didn't feel right and somehow felt fake to not have my personal touch to it.

Sitting in this English class is beyond bogus. I can't be here anymore knowing Janey is somewhere in this building. I get a pass to leave, I only get one per class for four minutes so I decide to use it to go see none other than Ben. He always knows how to help.. Well usually.

Once I'm out the door I'm running to Ben's office not wanting to waste time. I get to his office and he's in a meeting with some other student. I peer in the windows facing Ben so he can see me but the person he's talking to can't. I wave my hands and do other obvious gestures to get his attention and eventually he notices. My seconds are ticking away and my gestures get more frantic. His eyes open wide for a moment in confusion, "Uhm hey I have to go check something outside, I will be right back okay?" The student nodded and Ben slipped outside.

"Billy? What?" He seemed a little irritated, but I know Ben has always made time for me because my own brother couldn't be the guy he needed to be. Ben's always stepped up for me. "Listen, Ben I need to know where Jane is." I say rushed. Ben sighed and looked down for a moment, "Billy, I know you want to fix things, but Jane has a meeting with Gray today and she leaves after this class. I don't think talking to you about all of your problems before that meeting will be good at all. You know what? Write her a note and leave it for her somewhere she'll see it." His answer is not what I wanted. "But Ben come on!" I checked the time once more for what seemed the millionth check. I can't be late anymore or the detention center will be notified. I can't go back there, not now, not ever. "Sorry Kiddo.. I really need to get back, but seriously write her something." He said. I scoffed at him but he told me to wait where I was. I did. He came back with a blank sheet of paper and a pencil and told me to go at it. I scowled at him and he simply went back in his office.

I sat down on the bench outside his office and quickly scratched down everything on my mind. What I thought went straight to paper and I hoped she'd understand my apology. Now the hard part: Where would she see it? The first thing that came to mind was her locker even though I know she didn't stop there, something told me she would. I slip it through the slot at the top and made it back to class just in time with mere seconds to spare.

I silently hoped Jane would understand and agree to meet me tonight. I can't live a day without her and these past few days haven't been good. I'm not me, I'm just living moment by moment not even caring what happens. When the final bell rings I'm too excited to get out of my seat and run outside to The Beast. I went home first because I had some time before work got out for her. I thought of everything I'd say to my best friend.

_Janey.. I.. _I don't even know how to start!

_Janey we've been best friends since third grade and living any day without you… _No. That doesn't sound right.. and definitely too cheesy, despite my thoughts being exactly that, saying it out loud is different.

_Janey, I love you._ Yeah, I could do that. I loved her and I don't want anything in the way anymore. I want her more than I wanted anyone and it hurts knowing we're not together already.

I waste time around the apartment and was more than ready to leave by the time I had to. When I walk outside I notice a few rain drops have begun to fall. Rain. When Jane and I were kids we would have to tinker around her house when it rained. You'd think for a kid that it would be boring, but those times were the best memories I have of Jane. She would play dress up and I would critique every outfit she chose, always saying how pretty she was just to make her smile.

Thinking back to those times it amazes me that I never knew I loved her as more than a best friend. But Janey would always be my best friend no matter the status of our relationship because we've been through too much to throw it all away and I've been so stupid to not see that.

By now night has fallen and so has the rain. As time goes by the drops get bigger and heavier and I know it has turned into a vicious down pour. I have to restrain myself and not speed right into the front entrance of Donovan Decker. I pull over and park calmly but my insides are anything but calm. Due to the rain I lean over and grab an umbrella I keep just for Jane in case of these situations. I get out of The Beast and lean against the door with the umbrella over me covering me from the rain.

Then I see her, I see my Janey and everything feels right, everything feels good because she got my note and she decided to see me. I was too lucky right now. I start to walk across the street forgetting everything.

Little did I know my luck was about to turn.

As the van that is speeding down the street, losing control due to hydroplaning comes right for me the only thing I can think of is my best friend.

My last thought before I'm struck: Jane.

xxxxx

EEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPP I'm sorry guys I'm so sorry I have done this to you.. But let me tell you what inspired this. Well, I almost died today, like I'm not exaggerating, I seriously could have not been here right now to get this out to you. I was driving to school and it was rainy, at least enough for the ground to be a little wet, well I was about to turn into the entrance when some shmuck in a souped up white truck turned towards my direction extremely fast to beat the car coming (instead of waiting for the one freaking car guys he gunned it.) Well for all of you who drive you know what hydroplaning is. He swerved and lost control of his truck and I literally saw a head on collision happening to me so I turned really sharply to the right and moved out of the way. He was maybe a foot from hitting me guys. I can't. I couldn't stop shaking and I was almost in tears and I don't even know how I didn't cry when I got to the parking lot. It's beyond me.

Okay so that's where that chapter came from. I'M SORRY GUYS. Lol well a little bit. Stay with me and don't give up! I'm almost done with the next chapter so stay tuned!


	18. It's a Gruesome Story

Guys. Don't freak out, trust me everything will be OKAY. I'm even updating sooner than normal just to prove I know what I'm doing. Lol updating totally doesn't show that, but shhhhh...

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Sirens. Blood. Lots of blood. Around me lies the mess that is left by carelessness and stupidity. I can't move, I can't breathe, I can't think. I just shake looking at my hands covered in the sticky red substance that should remain in one's body. I'm sitting on my knees and no one has moved me, no one has touched me and it's good because they need to be concerned with saving a life. Saving a life that has saved mine on more than one occasion.

My hearing is muffled and everything is moving in slow motion around me, the medics are running but it looks like they're running Baywatch style. I'm confused by their lack of urgency and I can't seem to understand or grasp the situation. Shouldn't they be running faster? Shouldn't they be trying to save his life? Everything happened so fast before, why is everything so slow now?

"Miss?" I hear a voice that sounded very far from where I was, in a way that sounded like someone put his voice through a computer program to stretch out the word. I slowly turn my head in the direction of the voice but can't seem to unglue my eyes from the scene before me. "Miss, is this your blood?" Again his voice sounded strange and slow. "N-n-no.. Everything happened so fast. The van, the blood, Billy…" I said unsure if anything I was saying made sense at all. The man that had been asking me questions left me to move onto hopefully the only one that needed help.

My hands are still palm up and all I can do is stare at the red color standing out against my pale skin. This blood I hold once pumped through the boy I was in love with, the boy that I grew up with, the boy that came for me. One more glance down at my hands sends my stomach for a loop and as the bile rises to my throat and I lose all ability to breathe. I lean over and empty the contents of my stomach and think of the "funny" aspects of this situation. Just three days ago I was pretending to get sick and now, now I can't stop for real. It didn't take long for everything to come up and after that it was dry heaving.

I felt weak, like I couldn't stand being awake anymore. I was just so tired… "Jane!" I heard again a muffled voice filled with concern and fear. I open my eyes again long enough to see my big brother running to me with a blanket. I blinked and he was beside me wrapping me slowly in a blanket. Everything was slow. "Jane," he asked again in a slow, low voice. "Are you hurt? What happened?" I couldn't register his questions; all I could do was sit there and think about how we got here. It's really a gruesome story.

I went to work and discussed things over with Gray. It was as if nothing changed and I felt so at ease there. She said she could keep me on if I filled out the right paperwork and explicitly told the big bosses I was underage. Luckily I was only underage for a couple more months and the process could be reversed and all perks could be reinstated. I had a few minutes of down time while waiting or instruction from Gray. I noticed Jeremy was missing and had meant to ask Gray about him. I never got the chance.

I got Billy's note, it was beautiful and so simply _Billy_. During each down period I would take it out, unwrinkled it and read what he said.

_Janey, it's been way too long since I've been able to say your name out loud and I miss it. I miss YOU. No apology is good enough for you, but know that I regret everything I said at DD. Everything except one thing that I will tell you tonight if you meet me out front of the building. I'll be the guy by The Beast. If you want, don't feel like you have to. I miss you Janey. I miss my best friend. _

_~Billy_

The first time I took it out to read I had to excuse myself to the bathroom because everything was hitting me at once. This was my Billy, this was who he was. He wasn't the distant, angry boy he's been. I cried for several minutes longing to see him right now. Finally I thought our timing was here, it was ready for us to be together. I missed him too and being without him was painful.

When Gray said I could go home I almost ran out of the building all worries and fears gone. Instead my stomach was fluttering for the chance I was finally getting, for the chance _we_ were finally getting. The moment seemed all too perfect when I saw his gorgeous frame standing against our unreliable, but precious car. His smile must have matched mine and I hoped he wasn't able to see the few tears falling down my cheeks. Billy was my best friend and we had been fighting, no matter what it was about, it always killed me inside to not see him. I'm not sure what its like to live life without him.

I never knew I'd have to test that and find out.

The van came screeching down the street right as Billy was crossing and there was nothing anyone could do to stop the incoming horror. Billy just stood there not moving, unsure of how to react to this. I started running, but I was too late. I watched as his face turned in slow motion to mine and he smiled a sad smile at me. The sight I saw of him being hit was unreal. I was maybe eight feet away and my reaction was one I'm not proud of. I just watched and I stared at his mangled body lying in the street. I had my phone in my hand and I let my fingers dial 9-1-1 but I couldn't talk, I couldn't speak. Somehow I managed to make it to his body and press on anywhere I saw blood. I saw one time on Discovery Channel that if you get a cut you need to apply pressure. I figured it was the same thing just magnified. My hands couldn't cover anything and when a felt a strong man pull me away I knew it was time for me to stop. I stepped back and fell to my knees. I was still in the same place when Ben got here.

"Jane, come on we need to get to the hospital." Ben said. It took me so long to register what was happening. I let out a small squeak, "I can't move Ben." Being paralyzed with fear literally was the hardest thing in the world right now. My mind couldn't make my limbs work. I felt arms under my own and under my knees. I was being lifted but I couldn't keep my eyes away from seeing Billy being put on a stretcher covered in the blood that matched my hands.

Then clearly and precisely I heard a medic speak in a rushed tone, "We need to cut the jacket!" No. NO! I jump out of Ben's arms with some force I'm still not sure of and race over to them. An extra medic grabs my arms and holds me back as I scream, "NO! Give me the jacket! Don't take it away! Give it to me!" I had tears pouring down my face and I fought with the man holding me back for a long time. When I felt myself being yanked back I fought, and I fought hard. I yanked myself free and tried again, "Give me the jacket! I need the jacket! Billy, he'll need the jacket!" Finally one sad looking medic with blonde hair pulled back into a pony tail handed me the cut and torn and partly shredded leather jacket, "Hold onto this for him okay?" She was kind but I didn't care. I snatched it out of her hands and felt oddly woozy. I clutched the jacket to me not even concerned with the blood stains it is surely making.

I look around for my brother feeling myself losing it soon. Just when I couldn't handle being upright anymore Ben was at my side catching me. "I have you Jane… It'll be okay…" He picked me up and carried me to his car where he sat me down in the back seat. I fall over to my side welcoming the darkness. I felt Ben get in the drivers seat and turn on the car. We were off so fast I thought I might bobble around the back seat. Finally when I was curled up with Billy's jacket I let the tears come. They didn't stop and I didn't try to suppress them. I wailed and cried and screamed and did whatever I had to do to let it all go and be free.

When you hear about something bad happening to someone on the news you think "that can't be me" or "That only happens to the really unfortunate". You can't think like that, you can't think you're indestructible because life will be right there waiting to smack you around and take everything you ever wanted away.

Sometimes life smacks you too hard.

We get to the hospital and I pull myself together long enough to run from the car and into the building with Ben right behind me. We weren't too far behind the ambulance from what I'm gathering. I rush to the front desk in a panic, "Where did he go?" The receptionist looked up at me with pure irritation from a long day of work dealing with people probably just like me. "Who, dear?" She asks. "B-B-Billy uh William N-N-Nutter." I stumble over my words unable to think straight. The woman's facial expression soften in understanding and she gestured to the sitting area, "If you wait over there I will find something out for you. Are you related to him?" Related? Well, no… "Not by blood." I reply and immediately think of my hands.

She looked sad to have to tell me what I knew she would have to say anyways, "I'm sorry, dear, but we have to notify his first contact person and by law we are unable to disclose any information to a nonrelated party." I broke out into tears once more at her words and I feel Ben's reassuring grasp on my arms. He spun me around to look at me, "Jane, listen I need you to keep it together okay? I want you to go sit down and I'll see what I can do. Are you listening to me?" I nod my head and wearily drag my feet to the sitting area.

Somewhere in this hospital lies my best friend and I can't even see him. Shouldn't title of best friend stand for something? What if he dies?

That thought alone had never crossed my mind. What if he did, in fact, die? What then? I never got to say I'm sorry, I never got to tell him I loved him, and if he doesn't make it I won't make it. He's the one that pulls me out of the dark recesses of my mind, he's the one that can drop whatever angry feelings he has for me just to save me from whatever sticky situation I got myself into, and he's the one that loves me. Even if only as a best friend I know he loves me because people don't spend almost their whole lives together and not develop a type of love for them. I loved Billy in every sense of the word and I can't do this without him. I'm still shaking and at this point I've begun to wrap my arms around myself to hold everything together, but nothing I do is helping.

"Jane," I look up and it's Ben. His eyes are red rimmed and the blood drains from my face. All that is going through my mind is _I can't do this without you…_

_I can't do this without you either…_

xxxxx

K one thing: I love Billy and Jane, and I also love Billy and Jane TOGETHER. Just sayin… :)


	19. Stick Together

First, I am so sorry this is so late.. I feel horrible that I couldn't get this out to you sooner.. Second, to the beautiful Guest that reviewed… Honestly you are one unbelievably nice person.. I don't even know how to describe how touched I was by your review.. I'm fine honest, the almost accident was just that, an almost.. But you are seriously too kind oh my gosh.. I'm just.. Oh my gosh.. Excuse me while I go cry from the most caring person in the world. And for the rest of you that cared and reviewed hoping I was okay.. You are all too beautiful and I don't deserve you. Thank you so much for being so kind.. Honestly. Okay lol I'm done..

Anyways, while I go cry you guys enjoy an update because you all freaking deserve it. I love you all so much. (It is not weird okay.)

xxxxx

My brother is not a crier, in fact the only time I ever saw him really cry was when our dad died. He's a strong guy that goes with the flow, never really letting anything bother him. I envied him for that very reason while growing up because while my mom was off doing whatever it was she was doing I was trying to figure it all out on my own and sometimes you really just need a mother for that. I cried all the time because I would get frustrated with not knowing what I was doing and I felt alone, but Ben, he wouldn't let being abandoned bother him. I mean, I'm sure it did, but he went with what the opportunity gave him.

So when I see my brother with red-rimmed eyes I know nothing is going to go my way tonight. "Ben?" I croaked, afraid of the news he has to share with me. "He sat down beside me, sighed and put his face in his hands. He rubbed his face to wipe away any traces of what I already suspected. "I got some information because I'm actually his first emergency contact for Billy." He was? I then think about Billy's family and it all makes sense why on all the forms Billy's mom would put Ben down as the emergency contact…

"Well," I looked over at him with tears still in my eyes. "What's going on? Is he… Is he…" I couldn't say it, I couldn't bring myself to utter the words. Instead of waiting for an answer I looked around at the other helpless or bored looking people. Some had faces like mine while other looked simply miserable with boredom. I envied the boredom.

"He's alive, but barely. Listen Jane I think you need to start coping with the fact that Billy…" Ben's voice got caught in his throat and I took that time to interject, "No. I will not give up hope on him. He came to see me, he came to make things better and if he can still believe in me after everything then this will not be the time I give up. I…" I paused. "I love him." It came out as a whisper, but I know Ben heard my confession. It was the first time I admitted it out loud with the meaning it had. It lost the friendship vibe and gained so much more. I was determined and yet I couldn't help that voice in the back of my head saying "…He can't make it. You saw the van that hit him, he has to be a goner.." I wouldn't let that voice win.

"Listen to me Jane," Ben said. "Do you think I want to give up on Billy? He's like the little brother I never had. I just want you to think of the possibilities. I talked to a nurse and she said they had to rush him into surgery. Half his body was completely crushed Jane. If he does make it, he may never walk again." My blood runs cold because when the people working on the boy you love have even lost hope… Well it's not the best feeling in the world.

I sit back against the chair and let the tears take over, not even caring that there are other people here waiting for news too for whomever they brought here. Ben put his arm around my shoulders and I leaned into him. We needed each other now more than ever. Billy may be my best friend but he was a big part of Ben's life too. I realize now that Ben's been taking care of the both of us since Dad died and even before that too. I needed Ben to know that this wasn't just about me.

"Ben?" I mutter as I lift my head to look at him and wipe away the remaining tears.

He sniffles, "Yeah?"

"I know he means a lot to you too. Are you scared…?" I whisper because if I try to speak louder I may not be able to keep it together and I need to keep it together for not just myself but for Ben too.

"I'm terrified Jane." He was honest and I'm glad he wasn't trying to hide how he was really feeling from me. I grab his hand and squeeze it with all the strength I had left, which may not have been much.

"We need to stick together okay? I need you Ben." My brother has always been a strong guy, but right now he isn't that strong person I've always known. Right now he's just as broken up as me.

"We'll be okay Kiddo. I promise." He said and I put my head back where it was resting. When I blink my eyes I realize it will be a chore to open them again. Fatigue is trying to take over but I fight it for a while. Unfortunately after tonight fatigue is the least of my worries.

When I open my eyes again the sunlight is streaming through the windows giving everything an orange-like glow. I lift my head and realize it has been against the chair in an awkward position this whole time. I rub the soreness away and hope it doesn't stay. When I look to my right the chair is empty and panic sets in. I look around for my brother hoping he was just pacing somewhere in the waiting room, but when I look around I see I'm the only one left in the room. Worried really isn't the correct term for what I was. I was left here all by myself and what if something went wrong with Billy? I get up quickly only to be stopped by the sight of Ben walking through a thick set of doors.

"Ben!" I shout and my voice cracks. I rush to him and he simply holds out a steaming cup of coffee. He looks down and avoids any eye contact. I take the cup confused as to why he isn't saying anything. No, Ben not saying anything must be an insanely bad thing. "No…" I whisper and sink down into a chair closest to me. I set the coffee cup down knowing I will soon drop it, unable to grasp the situation. Could Billy really not have made it?

I see Ben and he finally looks up smiling, "No… Jane he's… He's fine. They saved him." I search his face for the truth I so desperately needed and found it. I begin to cry and blubber everything I was feeling from happiness to sadness to excitement. All my emotions were present in this moment.

Billy was alive.

xxxxx  
so basically I owe a ton for making you all wait so long.. A case of writers block hit me hard! But that's okay because I think it's gone now.. Nothing a little bit of watching JBD couldn't fix :) Thank you for sticking with me and just being so amazing.. I don't deserve you guys.


	20. I Need You

Inspired by Follow You Into The Dark by Death Cab For Cutie (it starts off depressing.. like it's just.. uber depressing lol) And huge thanks to Jane-By-Design-Lover for helping me with this.. You all should show your thanks by reading her stories (because without her you may not have an update..)

xxxxx

I thought I was going to fall off my chair when Ben told me he was okay and that he was _alive_. I race to the front desk and beg for them to let me see him. "Please, I need to see that he's okay and I'm sure you don't care, but please… William Nutter…" I say. The people have changed shifts since my first arrival and now a man is sitting behind the dark wooden desk. He looked up at me with his dark eyes and typed in his computer, "Miss, William Nutter is in room 1121. He's recovering, but if you wait in the waiting room on the fifth floor his doctor will be in to speak with you." I thank him quickly before running to the elevator with Ben close behind me. He has to grab my shoulder to slow me down, "Jane… Breathe. You need to go in there calm not running all over the place, this is a hospital." He was reprimanding me but I pay no mind to that, he was right. I nodded and took a deep breath; I proceed to the elevator at a painfully slow pace.

The elevator was moving at a turtle's pace and I mentally curse whoever was deciding to ruin my life. I had a chance to see Billy and I need to see him… alive. I can't take much more so when the elevator finally gets to the right floor I'm jittery and trying to move in any way I can. The doors begin to open and I'm out of that suffocating box before the doors even fully open. I go my left and find the waiting area easily. I hoped the doctor would be in soon…

If Billy had not made it… I don't even want to think about it, but if he had died I'm not sure how I would cope with that. He's been my best friend for so long my life doesn't make sense when he's not there. The time he was away in juvie was the worst time of my life because I couldn't see or talk to him. I fell apart a lot so seeing him and running to his open arms was the best moment of my life. I wrap my arms around myself remembering the moment, but it isn't the same at all.

After about an hour of torment and horrible thoughts a man with salt and pepper hair comes in with a long white coat. We assume him to be the doctor and I nearly jump out of my seat.

"Is there anyone here for William Nutter?" He asks. This time I do jump out of my seat ready to claw the man for taking so long.

"Yes! Us!" I practically yell at him. I may feel bad about it later. He looks up from his clipboard and motions for us to follow him, "If you don't mind coming this way we have some things to talk about." Ben and I both nod and hurry to follow him out of the room. We are right on his toes, my shoes making the only sound down the long hallway, and he makes a couple of right turns bringing us right in front of room 1121.

"You are his emergency contact, correct?" I now see his stitched name in his jacket as Dr. Hopeton and he asks us this question to clarify. "Yes, sir his mom made sure it was me." Ben answered. Dr. Hopeton gestured to me, "And this miss is…?" I wasn't pleased with his tone. I just want to see Billy and all he is concerned with is how I'm related. Maybe I'm just not thinking clearly. Ben seemed a little irritated also when he answered, "This is my kid sister, Jane and she's also Billy's best friend." I looked towards the door longingly, desperately needing to see Billy. Just the sight of him would be enough…

"Jane, you should go in while I talk things over. He needs you right now." Ben says and I'm already touching the door knob, I look back and nod, not even thinking of what I'm doing or agreeing to.

It's a small room with hardly enough space in it for much other than a bed, a chair, and a drawer. The room smells like stale people if that even makes sense. It smells like the anti bacterial goo you wipe your hands with to get rid of germs. I follow the dull colored tiles to the bed afraid to look up and see my worst fears. Instead I focus my attention on the casting sunlight coming into the room illuminating certain things. The golden light is casting a perfect ray on the bed and I know I need to look. If I don't look now, I never will and I know that.

When I finally lift my eyes to what is in front of me I nearly break down. Billy looks nothing like the boy I knew, instead in his place is lifeless hair, a pale look to his skin and every tube imaginable hooked up to him. His whole left side is casted in plaster and the sight is overwhelming. I sit down on his right side, his good side and reach for his hand. It's a little cold so I try my hardest to warm it up with my own hands. I lean my forehead against our intertwined hands.

"Billy," I started and as the normal routine goes I started to cry. "You shouldn't have done that, you shouldn't have come for me. You should have stayed at my house or your place or somewhere… Not there, not getting run over by a freaking van… I can't do this without you Billy… Because I… I love you and I need you here with me…" I remain connected to him by keeping my head on our hands for as long as I could. Eventually Ben had to come in and had to see this for himself. "Oh god…" He uttered and I looked up with my tear stained face. I decided I needed to let Ben have his time, I've had mine. I stand up and go to Ben's side, but his eyes are fixed on the broken boy before him that he always regarded as his little brother. I hug him and tell him I need to take a step back and like a good big brother he says he'll come with me.

"No, Ben you stay here. I've had my time with him and I know you're hurting too so please stay with him. I'll be okay." I take his hand and squeeze it hoping he'll do what I ask. His eyes still have yet to break from the mess of tubes and blood bags and other bags filled with things I'm not even sure of, so I leave without a word.

Question is what now?

xxxxx

I owe you all this update tonight because writers block took over and it has now died (now that I say that it will come back to haunt me.. lol) Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. You guys are the best readers ever.


	21. Little Brother

I've never written in Ben's POV… lol well at least I can't remember.. and this is for Emilylovestowrite because she is simply awesome.

xxxxx

Being strong for everyone is a lot harder than one would think. I used to be a carefree guy, not noticing the small things that my little sister got caught up on. She really had it hard, but I never could get why she was so upset all the time. I was a 'man's man, never let 'em see ya cry!' kind of guy and so being upset didn't make sense to me.

But sitting beside Jane's best friend changes my mind on the subject. I now know what it's like to be upset and I'm not afraid to let people see me cry. This was little Billy Nutter, my sister's best friend, and neighborhood tyrant since he was able to walk. He can't be lying in this hospital bed right now clinging for life. It can't be. Even though he was all those things, especially the tyrant, he was also like the little brother I never had and I like to think I was like the big brother he never had. Tommy just didn't know how to step up.

Jane had left a few minutes ago and I didn't know what to do after she was gone. I decide to sit beside Billy's bed and talk, knowing he wouldn't be able to hear me.

"Billy," Just getting that out put a softball in my throat. "Listen I need you to get better not just for me, but for Jane. You have always been little Billy Nutter in our house, but now I know you're growing up and you know, Jane loves you. I mean she really loves you in a totally un-platonic kind of way. You need to wake up so she can have her happy ending like she deserves. Got it, Nutter? Please…" I bow my head hoping in some way he's heard me.

Billy was like my little brother in so many ways. He was always at the house playing with Jane, comforting Jane, and (my favorite) pranking Jane. I smile to myself remembering all the moments I would come home to my kid sister either screaming or laughing or both. One time I actually came home to her pouncing on him because of a prank he pulled on her. He really was her best friend and I was happy he could be that for her. She needed somebody and Billy was there. I owe him so much for taking care of her in ways I never could because a big brother can only do so much. There were times when we had "brotherly talks" if you could call them that. He asked me about girls once when he was in middle school and I just made the whole thing a joke.

The memory comes to me.

"Hey Ben?" Asked a thirteen year old Billy with not yet spiked hair. I turned to him, "What's up Nutter? Where's Jane?" I wondered why I hadn't heard her come in yet. He shifted his weight uncomfortably, "Oh uh.. She's walking home from the library." That's weird. "Aren't you two usually inseparable?" I started making a ham sandwich not really paying much attention to anything. I had just come back home from college for the weekend and real food sounded great.

Billy laughed, "Yeah I guess. Can I ask you something? It's kind of embarrassing…" My ears perked up at embarrassing. I walked to the table, sandwich in hand and passed Billy realizing he was now at my shoulder compared to how tall he was before I left. I decided to tease him, just a little. "Hey pal.. If you have some of _those _problems I can't help you. You should seek medical help." I looked over to see his face had gone a hilarious shade of red and I realized he wasn't a college kid and I couldn't say things quite like that. I began to laugh at his sudden embarrassment and he went to leave throwing apologies back at me. I felt bad, but only a little. "Wait no Billy come back I was just kidding. What's your problem?" He turned back around after a second and sat at the table. He seemed to think of what he wanted to say before saying it, "Well there's this girl…" I jumped right in, "A _girl_?" I used a mock girl voice and I had to cough to make it go away. We both laughed and he said, "Yes a _girl_… How do you.. you know… Talk to girls?" He shuffled his hands and I could tell he was embarrassed. Sad thing was I knew he had no one to talk to about this and I was his best shot. His old man walked out on him when he was only four years old and his brother was too much of an idiot to care.

That day I gave him my best tips and the very next day he had his first girlfriend. I felt prideful.

Back in the present I remembered all the characteristics of the girl he liked. She had dark hair, clear skin, beautiful features, funny and knew a lot about him or that's what he said. Then I thought back to the girl Jane told me about and I remember her saying she was blonde…

Then it registers. Billy wasn't talking about that girl, he was talking about Jane. Right then I hoped Billy could remember her and that be enough to pull him out of this.

xxxxx  
I feel like I just need to shout out to Jane-By-Design-Lover so haha I just did. She's really fantastic and I think you all should go read her stories.. :)


	22. Lost Dream

K I am amazed you guys have stayed with me.. You are all so sweet, seriously the best fandom… ever.

So please enjoy this, it's for you :)

xxxxx

I haven't been to work, I haven't gone home, I haven't gone to school, and I haven't done anything for a week straight. Ben's gone home to rest and get me clothes and stuff, but I can't leave him. I can't leave Billy. He needs all the support he can get and when he wakes up I want to be able to tell him I was there the entire time and the only reason I left his side was necessity based.

Unfortunately life still goes on. I had received twenty-seven missed calls from Gray and about fifty or so texts. I knew this would cost me my job, but Billy meant more to me than some job. I wasn't going to pick this industry over him again, not like I did before. I knew what I was getting myself into so I couldn't be shocked. Gray warned me that if I didn't answer the next phone call she would report me to some high official that could ruin my working career in any field, I didn't take the time to see if she could actually do that, but I answered her call anyways.

Not leaving the room, but going towards the bathroom I answered, "Hello?" A very irritated Gray was on the other line, "Jane Quimby you better have a damn good excuse for deserting our entire team for a week. First Jeremy and now you." I sighed, "I'm so sorry Gray. My best friend got hit by a van and-"

I was cut off, "Is he still alive Jane?"

"W-Well yes."

"So why aren't you at work Jane?" She was extremely angry.

"Because he means a lot to me…" I say quietly not wanting to raise my voice.

"I hope he doesn't mean more than this job." She said.

"I think he does Gray."

Gray was very short and to the point. "You can pick up your things at a later date. It's a shame, you really were the best assistant. Goodbye, Jane." I heard the line click and knew my dream was over… But then I remembered what she said about Jeremy. He wasn't there? I looked in my phone for Jeremy Jones and texted him quickly, _Jeremy, you're not at the office? Where are you?_

I didn't get a reply soon enough so I went back to my place next to Billy. It hits me when I sit down that my dream job is gone. I have no job, no money, I can't help anyone. I guess I lost my dream, but if Billy can pull through I'll have a new dream. He is my dream. He has to make it, if he doesn't I'm not sure what I'd do. The doctor told Ben his whole left side was crushed and when he does wake up he very likely will be paralyzed. No matter what he may suffer I would rather have him alive than anything else.

Sitting by him for the past week has left me with nothing to do but wait, talk and then wait some more. Grabbing his hand and rubbing my thumb over his palm became routine and so I do it now. His hands are rough but they've always felt this way at least for as long as I can remember. How bad I wanted to feel his fingers wrap around mine. I longed for the warmth of his hand to encase my own and make me warm too. I sigh and place my head back on his bed where it normally rests now. I begin speaking to him, "I know you can't hear me when I talk to you, but I miss you. Holding your hand isn't enough Billy… I need your hugs and your silly eye brow thing. I need hope that you will make it. I just need my best friend." I sighed it was all useless but I kept talking nonetheless. "So guess what? Ben talked to me the other day about marrying Ms. Shaw… How weird would that be? I mean she's nice and I know she loves Ben but it'll be strange. My brother of all people… Married." At this point I start thinking out loud. "You know I imagine my life… With you? I imagine us getting married, me in a long white gown of my own creation and you in a black tux with your own signature style thrown in." I smile at the idea. "I imagine having our son and giving him the same faux hawk look as you. I imagine our daughter curly haired and small, but a Daddy's girl." A tear slides down my cheek, this is all too much.

Just then, it was subtle at first and could have been mistaken as my own doing, Billy's thumb twitched. Then he fully grasped my hand and I screamed. His movement startled me so all I could do was scream. The door to his room was being pushed open quickly by a couple nurses and that is when Billy started to cough and gag on the tubes coming from his mouth. One nurse in pastel blue scrubs with little characters on them rushed to hit a button behind Billy's head and another nurse with soft brown eyes and a kind smile, a man with dark skin, ushered me out of the room. I fought him. "No!" I shouted. "I need to be there when he wakes up!" I kicked and I screamed but the nurse wouldn't budge. "I know you're in panic mode right now miss but I need you to stay calm and out here out of the way. We need to get those tubes out of his mouth right now or he'll choke. Do you want that? He asked me and I shook my head vigorously. "Okay then I need you to not be in the way so we can do our jobs and save your husband."

My breathing caught in my throat when he said the word 'husband'. Did all the nurses think we were married? Didn't they look at his file and know he's only seventeen like me? My mind is spinning from what the nurses think to Billy finally waking up. I am beyond longing to see my best friend, I need him. I sit down on a chair conveniently placed next to the door and hear the commotion inside. To distract myself from wanting to run in there and snatch him away from the pain and torture of waking up I pull out my phone from my pocket and call Ben to update him.

It rings four times and he answers, "Hello?" My response was a few short cries because saying words wasn't going to work, not right now. I could hear him suck in breath, "Oh my god Jane… Did he," He paused. "Did Billy not make it?" It took me a second to compose myself enough to answer, "No Ben, he… He's awake! Well I think he's awake, the nurses are working now. He grabbed my hand… He knew I was there and then he started coughing and then… and then the nurses rushed in and kicked me out and now I'm waiting… God Ben this is horrible…" I could almost hear him running out the door and rushing to the hospital. I say, "It's okay Ben, I'm fine take your time-" He interrupted, "I'm on my way. Be there soon." And the line clicked.

The noise from the room has died down and I stand up knowing I would soon be allowed back in to resume my rightful place next to Billy. If he was awake I could tell him everything.

The man who told me to wait outside was the first one through the door and I rushed right to him. He grabbed my shoulders, "Take it easy… He's cloudy right now. Actually, I have a question and I don't mean to sound strange, but is your name perhaps Jane?" I nod slowly unsure of how he would know. He smiled, "Well, who am I to keep what our patient wants away?" He asked for me? Billy asked for me? "Listen," The nurse said. "He's foggy like I said and he can't really speak so give him some time. Just be there with him and if anything seems wrong you hit that red button on the wall okay?" I say okay in agreement and push through the rest of the nurses to get to my best friend.

No words could describe the feeling in the pit of my stomach when I saw his brown eyes on mine. I lose all though, all reason and rush to him crushing my lips to his for only a second. I laid my head on his chest and looked up at him, "I missed you so much Billy…" The tears came and I couldn't stop them. Very slowly, and with much struggle, he brought his fingers to my cheeks to jaggedly wipe my tears away. He couldn't speak, but I know he was trying. I put my finger on his lips, "Don't talk, it's okay. I'm just glad you're safe and alive…"

I could have cried for days, finally, he was awake.

xxxxx

He's awaaaaaaaake! Finally! I missed Billy lol not weird.. Just again, thank you guys.. "You're you, and that's perfect." True story.


	23. In The Jungle

Oh my goodness. I've missed writing Billy like you wouldn't believe.. so here we are.. :)

xxxxx

The last person I wanted to see before I died was my best friend, my Janey. I didn't want her to be scared, I didn't want her to feel horrible after I was gone and I wanted her to remember my smiling face as the last memory of me. Somehow I had had enough time to look back at her and give her the best smile I could even though I knew my life would end. I was frozen in the middle of the street and I don't know why I couldn't move. My feet felt like they were cinder blocks so moving wasn't an option. I didn't want a reckless van to be the last thing I saw before my inevitable death. So I looked to Jane. Maybe my reasons were, in fact, selfish because I really just wanted her beautiful face to be the last thing I saw.

What happened after that, I don't know. It was strange because it felt like the kind of darkness you experience when you close your eyes, but yet I couldn't feel, hear, or touch anything. It was nothing. I don't know how long I was in the place but even silence is ear piercing and in this place was a lot of silence. Then slowly I was pulled out of the darkness and into a shadowy place. I heard voices, but I couldn't see them. Slowly vision was coming back to me but it wasn't anything I expected. I was in a jungle and I had to fight my way out. I kept thinking I can find a light, I can find the end, and I can get out of here, but that was difficult. Some of the plants were razor sharp and left stinging cuts, but it seemed to be only on my left side. Everything was a shade of green and brown and was clouded over with a light fog.

It felt like I was in this jungle for months just wandering and searching, but then I heard it. It was quiet at first, but I couldn't mistake the sound. I heard Jane. I heard my name and it was amplified in the jungle, bouncing off every plant and rock. I heard it quietly but then it kept being repeated over and over. Then I hear her voice even louder and it's pinpointed to a certain direction, I run in that direction. "You shouldn't have done that, you shouldn't have come for me. You should have stayed at my house or your place or somewhere…" I didn't understand her words but I understood I needed to see her so I ran. The rest I only heard bits and pieces of. Then what was once mumbling turned to clear and bright as day words, "Because I… I love you and I need you here with me…" She loved me? At that thought every hope, dream, image, and memory came to me. It was so overwhelming that I literally got pushed back on the ground and the fog around me lifted. Then my hand began to feel warm and it was the only part of my body that I could actually feel. For some reason it was warm and tingling.

I would fight and I would fight hard to get out of here because I know wherever Jane is, is where I need to be.

I have been running now for years and that isn't an exaggeration. The seasons have changed so many times I know it's been too long away from Jane. I've seen the plants grow, thrive, whither, and die. I've seen a tree as a twig and then grow into a sturdy oak. Time flies here. But no matter how much time went by I could always rely on the warm feeling in my right hand. Sometimes the feeling would go away and the first time it did I panicked and stopped running. I looked at my hand and its warm glow was gone, instead was an icy cold feeling and I hated it. Soon enough though the feeling would come back and I felt relieved.

I could hear Jane's voice all the time and that's what kept me going. I would have given up a long time ago had it not been for her voice. This time was different when she spoke, it seemed sad and final. "I know you can't hear me when I talk to you, but I miss you." She said clear as day. Usually when she spoke I could only make out a few words here and there. If she's been talking like this then I need to end that. "No!" I shouted to no one at all. "I can here you!" Hopefully she could hear my cries, but I knew she couldn't.

She started talking again, "Holding your hand isn't enough Billy… I need your hugs and your silly eye brow thing. I need hope that you will make it. I just need my best friend. So guess what? Ben talked to me the other day about marrying Ms. Shaw… How weird would that be? I mean she's nice and I know she loves Ben but it'll be strange. My brother of all people… Married." It wouldn't be that strange. She loves Ben Janey. I stopped speaking out loud to my 'Jane voice' a long time ago. It didn't matter what I yelled or screamed she always kept talking. "You know I imagine my life… With you? I imagine us getting married, me in a long white gown of my own creation and you in a black tux with your own signature style thrown in." I stop running once more and picture it. I wanted that so bad, she's all I want. "I imagine having our son and giving him the same faux hawk look as you." My son… I never imagined having kids, but now that she's telling me about it I just want to start our family right now and I can't even get to her! "I imagine our daughter curly haired and small, but a Daddy's girl." I would love a daughter. My own little girl to teach things to and play tea party with just because she wanted to. But most of all I wanted this for Jane. She would make an amazing mother and I can't imagine a family without her.

This is enough. "I want to get out of here!" I scream. "Let me out! I need Jane.. Somebody! Please help!" I yell out into the open crisp air. I am getting so pissed that I just run and push hard, to my limits to reach her, to reach my Janey. Without looking at my feet I take one step too many and the last step I took didn't have any ground underneath. I was falling hard and fast into the deep dark abyss.

Next thing I knew I was awake and the first person I saw was my Janey.

xxxxx

lol where is this story going? It has taken suuuuch a turn from where it was supposed to be… Well, the end is near, but fear not! I have a bunch of drabbles going and I'd love for you all to read them :) Also I was thinking about a sequel to this.. Tell me what you think?


	24. Have To Talk

Everyone, you all have the right to say, "Kenz. You suck." Because I totally do. You all have been waiting so patiently and have been the most amazing reviewers that I really just love. So thank you so sooo much.. Ever review means the world to me and I'm sure I haven't responded to a lot of them, if I haven't responded to you (I am extremely sorry D: ) review again or pm me and whip me into shape.

Okay last side note I PROMISE. If you are a guest reviewer, which is really cool, I wish I could reply to you all! So if you could leave me your email or something or even make a profile it's quick and free and I would love to thank all of you :)

Okay! Now I'm done! Lol Please continue :) and here's some Billy POV….

xxxxx

Some say that when you are faced with a near death experience you gain a whole new perspective on life, but mine? It never changed. I still only saw one person when I woke up and I only saw one person before I went down. She is the one that was always on my mind before anything happened, whether I was pissed off about something or laughing, it was always with her. I had other girlfriends, yeah, but none of them meant what Jane meant to me and I think it's funny how long it took me to see that, how long it took me to _say_ that.

When I tried to speak my thoughts of how I felt I couldn't, the tubes and whatever the hell else that was keeping me alive took my ability to speak. It doesn't matter though, what I got instead was ten times better. She kissed me. It made me forget all the pain and the torture, it only gave me thoughts of my best friend and that was fine with me. She snuggled up next to me on the hospital bed, her warmth reminding me of the feeling in my hand while I was in the jungle of my thoughts. Nothing made me more terrified than thinking I was never going to get out of there to see the one person that would make everything okay.

Now, laying here in this hospital bed alone, I feel all the hurt and the pain. The doctor told me I'm lucky to be alive and extra lucky I still have function of my upper body. He said my lower body may never recover. I won't take that. I will walk again, I'll walk for Jane because she doesn't deserve a life where she has to take care of me. She deserves a life filled with dancing and running after her and tackle hugs or something. She deserves so much more.

Jane's phone buzzes on the table next to me so I pick it up. I tell myself this isn't wrong because I've done it a million times before. She would always leave her phone with me and whenever it went off I would pick it up and look at it and tell her about it when she got back from wherever she was. She trusted me and I trusted her. I didn't snoop, it was just my job and we never complained. I never thought of it as an invasion of privacy because she told me to, but does that still apply now? Curiosity gets the better of me and I put these thoughts aside.

I open her phone it all feels wrong immediately. The text was from Eli and can feel knots forming in my stomach when I see his name pop up. I now know that being with Jane means I can't look at it. I can't read whatever it was he had to say because I'm sure if I opened it, and read it, I'd get mad and ruin this thing with Jane.

I put the phone back next to me when Jane walks in with a smile on her face. "Great news," She says with a smile and glint in her eye. "I talked to your doctor, who is a total hard ass by the way, and he said that we can bring you home in a couple days!" She is so excited, but even this can't bring a smile to my face. Her smile immediately turns from bright and warm to a sad frown knowing I was upset. "What? What's wrong?" She asks, worried. She sits down next to me gathering my good hand in hers. I clenched my jaw unsure of what to say, either way I guess it's my fault for picking up her phone.

"You have a text." That was all I said looking up at the ceiling. She looks at me quizzically but then she reaches for her phone and instantly her face changes. "No, no no no. Billy, look at me." I still kept my eyes fixed on the patterned tiles of the ceiling, away from her. I hear the chair screech against the floor and then I see her hands come at my face forcing me to look at her, both hands on my cheeks. My neck was still very sore and so I wince. "Oh my god I'm sorry." She takes back her hands, but I already miss her warmth. "No, it's fine. I'm okay…" I'm not being myself and I know it, but something about Eli made me this way. Maybe I'm jealous, maybe I wish I was him because he can have Jane so easily…

"Billy…" Jane put her hands back on my face taking me out of my thoughts and making me look at her once again. "Listen to me. I love you. Okay? You. Not Eli, not Jeremy, I love _you._ I know we need to talk about that fight we had, but I want to drop it. Eli doesn't mean half of what you mean to me Billy Nutter and don't you ever forget that." She has tears threatening to fall and I realize how scared shitless she must have been if I meant so much to her. To see me get hit by the van, it must have done something to her, it would have to me.

"Janey.. Don't cry I'm so sorry for overreacting. I love you too." I wipe at a falling tear with my thumb feeling like the biggest douche bag ever. She lays her head down on my good shoulder and I wrap my arm around her shoulders knowing we have to talk about this even though we both don't want to. I speak, "Hey Janey?" She shifted her eyes towards my face, "Yeah?" This was gonna be hard with those puppy dog eyes of hers.

"You know we have to talk about it.." I shift with a few winces here and there, the painkillers are really doing their job. She sighs, "I know.." I don't really know what to say but I think of something, "That day, I was so jealous of Eli that I wasn't myself.. I'm just so sorry for freaking out like that. I should never have said what I did… You mean a lot to me Janey." It was all true and I did regret calling her trash..

"I know. But just so you know, he kissed me. I pushed him away and I didn't enjoy it." She is being defensive but I know she's telling the truth. After a few seconds pass I hear "Billy?" She was speaking quietly. I answered, "Yeah?" I was getting really tired all of a sudden and my words were slurring. Side effects of the pain killers I'm sure. "Are we gonna be okay?" I would have answered her but my eyes had a different plan and I feel asleep fast.

xxxxx

K so this is literally the worst chapter ever. Lol.. You all deserve something more but I honestly am losing my mind with this story haha not true, but I mean.. It's getting harder only because I know the end is coming and I always get stuck at the ends mostly because I don't want to finish it and have it all stop. You all are perfect, I hope you know. A million and two thank yous to everyone, I love you all! And now.. I'm just rambling... haha soo I need to go to sleep..


	25. Scared

Okay guys… I'm feeling one or two more chapters after this.. I won't say anymore because I'm 100% sure I'll get all emotional and stuff…. Lol so here we go. Billy POV because I've missed him, well no, I miss him so much (present tense). I hate abc family. -.-

xxxxx

It's been three months and I'm finally able to leave. Jane was so mad when a couple days turned into this long that she actually got into an argument with my doc. Of course I had to stifle my smiles when she swore at him, but I mean come on… Janey doesn't swear at people, it was just too funny. Yeah, I wanted to go home, but I wasn't right yet, after going through what I went through it's amazing I'm here at all.

They tried explaining to me exactly what problems I had, but I didn't understand most of what they were talking about I just wanted to get better.

So here I am sitting in my wheelchair. The doctors said for me not to walk on my own and that I needed to use this thing for now. I decided long before now I would walk no matter what, but for now I realize I need to do as they say, they're experts right? I feel a squeeze on my hand and I look up to see my beautiful Janey. She's smiling down at me, "For the love of all things fashion, can we please go home?" I laugh because sometimes she just catches me off guard. She's been here just as long as I have, wait…

"Janey have you been to work?" I ask suddenly figuring out she hasn't left my side at all except for school and even then she'd sneak out early to come back to me. She looked down and away avoiding me. "Janey…" I say sadly, knowing she lost her job, her _dream job_ because of me. She looked back at me, "That job was amazing, but you mean more to me than that and I wasn't going to choose that job over you again. I don't want to fight about it, and I don't want you to feel bad. I'm seriously fine with it; it's not the last the fashion world has seen of me." She smiles a genuine smile that makes me believe her. "Okay." I say.

It's been a week since I've been back and I'm a little worried… I can't feel my toes. I can't move them no matter how hard I try, it just doesn't work. I call my doctor.

"Hello, this is William Nutter I need to speak to my doctor, immediately." I say when the receptionist picks up and she patches me through.

"Hello, how can I help you?" The stern doctor greets. He really is a hard ass.

"Hiya Doc. This is William Nutter.. I think there's a problem.."

"What kind of problem?"

"Well… I can't feel my toes. I haven't tried, but… I'm really scared I can't walk." I was so scared shitless I couldn't even express how I felt. If I can't walk… No. I have to walk.

"Okay," He said thinking. "Well come in tomorrow and we'll do some tests."

We agree on a time and now I wait with this sickening feeling in my stomach. How could I tell Jane if I was truly paralyzed…

The next day came and I asked Ben to bring me because I couldn't be with Jane for this. She's been with me for it all and she needs a break. I knew she'd want to come so I asked Ben to tell her a small fib if you will. So Ben is calling this a "personal appointment" whatever the hell that means. Either way she didn't bug me to go.

I roll around school avoiding the stares and quiet whispers, they didn't know anything anyways. I keep rolling until I make it to Jane's locker and I see her, she's beautiful. She is in a light blue sweater with a white laced tank top and brown pants. She was breathtaking. I wait a little longer before approaching her, just watching her struggle with her locker. I'm pretty sure her locker likes me more because it only likes to open for me, it's funny.

I see my Janey sigh very angrily and her shoulders slumped. Her head was looking down and I could see her shoulders begin to shake. She brought her hands to her face. She was breaking. I immediately go to her knowing she isn't okay, she doesn't cry often and when she does I know she's had enough. I felt my stomach drop at the sight.

"Janey?" I say quietly while opening her locker with a loud bang. I touch her arm and she lowers her right hand to be held by mine. She was looking away trying hard to wipe away the evidence of her true feelings, but I noticed anyways. She shakes her head. "Come on. We're going somewhere." I say, knowing I have enough time to talk to her before I have to go. "No Billy you have your appointment. I'm fine, honest!" She tries, but I am already trying to pull her with me and roll at the same time. She doesn't fight me and winds up pushing me to where I tell her to go. We sit in the courtyard, her on a bench, me across from her trying to make her tell me what's going on.

"Janey… Come on we tell each other everything. You don't just cry for nothing." I wipe at her cheeks catching a few stray tears. She looks down at my hand in hers, "I'm just tired. I haven't been sleeping." This was new and took me by surprise. At night she had to leave because it was hospital policy so I assumed she went home to sleep. This past week I've been sleeping on her couch while she was in her room… "Why didn't you just come get me if you couldn't sleep?" I ask with full concern. This isn't good for her. She looked at me finally letting me see her eyes and they were dull, "Because you got run over by a freaking van, Billy. That's why. My sleeping problems aren't important. What matters is you get your sleep and recover because," She paused and whispered "Because I'm selfish enough to need you to." She was breaking down because this is all too much for her.

"Okay, hey…" I gather her in my arms, awkwardly leaning over to reach her. Forget this. I pull her onto my lap but she's reluctant. "No, I'm going to hurt you or something." She says still upset. If she's going to care about me so much, "It's going to hurt me more if you don't." Her eyebrows pull together like they are trying to connect. She looks sad, but she eventually lowers herself carefully onto my lap. I wrap my arms around her tightly and she leans into me.

With my lips close to her right ear I whisper, "I love you so much Janey." I squeeze her even tighter. She leans into my lips and I kiss her cheek. "I love you too, Billy. None of this is your fault okay?" She is always trying to make things easier for me. I lean my forehead on her cheek, "I know." It was for her benefit only. "Hey, why don't you ask Ben to dismiss you and you can go back to your house. Take a nap and I'll wake you up when I get back from my appointment, okay?" She needs this and I know Ben will understand. She nods wiping at her eyes one last time clearing away the remaining tears. She gets up, "Well, you're gonna be late. Let's find Ben." I grab her hand and squeeze it quickly before rolling off beside her in search of her big brother.

I chuckle, "You mean find Ms. Shaw. Wherever she's at… Your brother isn't far behind." Jane nudges my shoulder and cracks a smile.

We find Ben, and I was right, he was with Ms. Shaw. Luckily, this time we didn't walk in on anything… He wrote Jane a note getting her out of the rest of the day's classes. I roll with Jane to The Beast, which was how she is getting back to her house. She grabs my face between her hands, "Are you going to tell me about this appointment later?" She looks concerned and a little sad. Was I? Is it lying if you're not really sure of the true answer? For now, if it was, lying was saving her anxiety, "Of course. We'll talk when I come over." That seems enough for her and she leans in to kiss me. I'm still not used to it and it doesn't seem real. For everything in me I wish I could stand right now and lift her up and kiss her how I want to, but I'm confined to the hellish chair. I grab her arms and cling onto the knitted material of her sweater. She breaks away panting for air, but I don't take that. I pull her back down and she smiles as she kisses me. She pulls away again, "Okay you seriously need to go. You're late." She already seems ten times happier. If I knew kissing her would do this, I would have started a long time ago.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Punctuality isn't everything you know…" I wiggle my eyebrows at her and she actually lets out a laugh and her cheeks brighten. I love doing this to her and I always have. Then I hear a version of Jane's voice, only much deeper, "Okay Romeo, you said goodbye and it was sickening now let's go." I wheel around to see Ben waiting with his hands on his hips. I snort and follow him to his car. He lifts me in awkwardly and I say a few apologies that he quickly shrugs off. He puts my chair in the trunk of his car and then comes around to the driver's side. For the first time I have to really think about what this appointment could mean.

I'm scared.

xxxxx

Okay, I lied. It will probably be more than one or two chapters, maybe three? I just want to tie up everything and oh, don't hate me. I believe in a thing called love and I also believe in happy endings… :) Thank you so much for sticking around with this story, it means so much to me. You all are perfect and I hope you know that.


	26. I Know

You guys are all perfect, honestly. Here's some Jane POV and I'm really sorry my updates have been few and far between..

xxxxx

My heart is breaking for Billy. He doesn't know I know about his appointment. He could be paralyzed and he didn't even tell me… Instead he told my brother and that's how I found out. He told Ben before me… I just thought I would know something like this first, maybe I was wrong.

"Ben on a scale of Kesha to Audrey Hepburn, how do I look?" I twirled and asked my big brother while he was cleaning up his office. He looked at me for a short moment, "Uhm.. I don't know what to say here. Is there a safe choice?"

I laughed and felt good for the first time in a long time. Things were finally okay, or so I thought. "Okay so you're no help…" I said while laughing and Ben smiled, continuing to tidy up. His office was a mess. It looked like a tornado came through and tore everything up.

He was picking up some stray pinnies, "I just don't know why you ask me these things anymore, kiddo." He said. I rolled my eyes, "I'm not too sure either. I should go find Billy, he'll at least lie to me." I went up to my brother and kissed him on the cheek before I tried to leave. I'm lucky to have a brother like Ben. Despite his horrible fashion sense and suffocating nature with Ms. Shaw, he's kind of the best. I know Tommy is nothing of a brother to Billy and he deserves a better guy than what he's got. Sometimes I feel bad, but I do know Ben is always there for him.

Just as I was at the door I heard my brother gasp quietly so I turned around, "Uh, you okay Ben?" He sat down slowly while looking at his phone and ran his hand through his hair. He recovered quickly, "What? Oh yeah, I'm great. Sorry I uh… completely forgot I left wet clothes in the washer at home.. Man I gotta quit doing that. Come on let's get you to class young lady." What? First, I'm never 'young lady' to my big brother. He calls me kiddo and sport sometimes and when he's feeling weirdly sentimental he'll call me Janey. This was so unlike him. And second, Ben doesn't do the laundry, I mean I tried teaching him once but it was a horrible experience. Lots of soap bubbles were involved…

He just lied to me and I knew he did because I knew my brother and I knew he didn't do laundry. He had put his phone down on his desk and pushed me out the door.

"Oh Jane, Billy asked me man to man to lie about his appointment today… I was going to tell you it was a super long and boring thing, but really it's kind of a personal appointment and he feels embarrassed about it. I think it'd be better if you sit this one out." He said while walking beside me. I remember thinking how strange it was for him to say that. A personal appointment? Like… with… boy _things_? I looked at Ben not really understanding what he was getting at, "Uh.. Okay.. Why are you being so weird Ben?"

I looked down before he could answer and realized I needed to go back to Ben's office. "Oh crap, I left my purse in your office, hold on I'm just gonna go grab it." I walked back towards his little space. I see my white bag next to the chair I was occupying only this morning. Then I saw Ben's phone. For a brief second a bad thought crossed my mind. For a brief second I thought about opening his phone and seeing whatever it was he saw because Ben doesn't react like that at the thought of just laundry. Something was wrong. So for a brief second I opened his phone to the last text wondering if that's what it was. I was right.

There was a text from Billy: 'Hey Ben I have to tell you something… I haven't told Jane and I don't want her to know so if you could make something up to tell her why she can't come today… Listen. I may never walk again. Yeah this is really serious.'

So here I am sitting in class completely broken up inside.

My heart broke but not because Billy could be… paralyzed, but because he didn't want me knowing about it. If he is, we'll take it one day at a time and we'll figure it out. I love him too much as my best friend to let him go through this alone.

I don't know how to feel. I need to just forget it; Billy will tell me when he needs to. I need to not think about all the 'what if's. But something inside of me is slowly dying at the thought of him not wanting me there. _He doesn't want me_… The bell rang signally the end of class. My mind is a mess but I trudge on anyways towards my locker.

After trying to open the stupid thing a million times I couldn't get it. I let the tears come. In trying to not think about Billy and him trying to keep this big thing from me, that's exactly what I do. I think about all my hell in metal form problems and how he could simply walk up to it, tap it, and it would open. I think about all the laughs and the times we would talk about everything. Now, things are different. He doesn't want me coming or knowing about this. I let my head fall.

I see a hand come out of nowhere hitting my locker open. I know who it is and I quickly look away to avoid him seeing my tears. He doesn't need this right now. "Janey?" I hear him say as I feel the pressure of his warm hands on my arm. I let my hand fall so he can hold it while I try very hard to wipe away the evidence of my tears. I'm not sure why I try, I know he sees me. He always sees me because I'm not invisible to him. I shake my head, I can't do this.

He tugs at my hand, "Come on. We're going somewhere." As I'm being pulled I shut my locker door and catch the clock on the wall noticing the time. "No Billy you have your appointment. I'm fine, honest!" I know it is stupid to argue and won't get me anywhere so instead I push him to where he wants us to go. Trying to go anywhere in a wheelchair one handed is pretty hard. He brings us to the courtyard.

"Janey… Come on we tell each other everything. You don't just cry for nothing." He says. I forget sometimes just how well he knows me and that he knows I'm hardly emotional. I think up anything in the world to pretend I don't know what's really going to happen today.

"I'm just tired. I haven't been sleeping." I lie. I lie right through my teeth, but he doesn't notice. He looks so concerned at my fib, "Why didn't you just come get me if you couldn't sleep?" I don't know how to answer this and I wrack my brain for any sensible response. Thing is, I really haven't been sleeping, but I could never bring myself to wake him up just to ease my mind. I guess I'm still not okay with seeing the most important person in my life get run over…

So I say, "Because you got run over by a freaking van, Billy. That's why. My sleeping problems aren't important. What matters is you get your sleep and recover because," I pause then whisper slowly unraveling "Because I'm selfish enough to need you to." I'm not aware of how truthful I really am being until more tears start to fall. I do need him to recover but I was talking about his legs. I am selfish enough to want that and I think that's why I feel so horrible.

He pulls me into his arms and, for a moment, everything was okay. He said he loved me and I know it's true, I love him too. I'm just worn out, I'm so overused and spread too thin.

Billy convinces Ben to write me a note out of the rest of my classes and I'm relieved. Maybe I can go home and just cry and I'll feel better, it's worth a try.

It was time to say goodbye and I had to know if he was ever going to tell me what I already knew.

"Are you going to tell me about this appointment later?" I say grabbing his face between my hands. He pauses for a moment thinking his answer over, "Of course. We'll talk when I come over." He's lying, I can tell. I get it; he just doesn't want me to know… I kiss him and I feel sad, but our kisses just weren't enough. I needed him to be okay and I needed this to not be the last kiss we ever shared because of the anger that will soon come if he doesn't tell me himself. Come on Jane, he's not dying, be happy he's still here at all…

I leaned away ready to leave, but he pulled me back down again. I will never get used to kissing him even though I've dreamed of it for so long. He's perfect because he's Billy and kissing him just seems so unreal.

My brother takes him away and I climb into The Beast. I love this car, well no, I don't. I hate this car with every ounce of energy I have, but Billy loves "her" so we have our moments. "She" can get me home so I guess all is well in the end.

When I get home I drop my stuff at the door and head straight for my room. I decide against crying my eyeballs out because it'll show later. My room needs some serious cleaning so I get right to work because it's keeping me together. I start by my sewing machine and pick up all the loose fabrics. They are literally everywhere and gathering all of them takes some time.

I make my way around the room picking things up and throwing stuff away when I stumble upon a small chair from my childhood. It was buried under a lot of discarded clothes but what it held made me teary. It held in it's tiny seat and arms Billy's cut up and stained leather jacket along with the note he wrote me that dreadful day. I gather the piece of material in my arms knowing the blood has long since dried. I let the tears come well aware it won't be the end of them tonight. This jacket means more to me than any other article of clothing. Even with that, I can't ignore the strong rusty odor anymore. Despite how strong I wanted to be and how much I wanted to just endure it, I was beginning to feel sick so I put it back down.

Then brilliance struck and I know what I want to do.

xxxxx

I know this wasn't exciting at all and a little repetitive from last chapter, but I needed everyone to know Jane had found out and how she feels. I really gotta stop writing late at night lol Please tell me what you think or how you feel or any ranting. I will definitely rant with you. Thank you so much for sticking with me and still reading this! :)


	27. The Idea

So I couldn't wait to post this haha it would have been in the last chapter but it was getting wayyy too lengthy. Last chapter of Learning To Deal up next… I'm kinda sad.

xxxxx

I have an idea. Billy deserves a little piece of himself, a little something to remind him of who he is. I go back to my stuff, grab my purse and keys and head back to the car. I climb in and bring the engine to life. It's a roaring sound but it does its job and I'm out on the street heading towards my local fabric store. Once I get there I head straight to the leather section. I get what I need and grab some silky material to go with it. I also get some zippers and buttons and other silver things to make it just right. I'm excited, I haven't been this excited in a long time over creating something.

When Billy gets back to my house and if he can't, in fact, walk, I want him to know I'll be there for him in every way I possibly can. This won't stop us from anything and he'll always be the same guy. That's why I'm doing this for him. He tends to lose himself when bad things happen and he needs to know, he's him and that's good enough.

I gather all of my stuff at the register and wait impatiently for the slow cashier. Finally she had gone through all of the items so I pay and race out the door. I never thought running in heels would be in my future even two years ago. Its funny how times change.

I load all of my purchases into The Beast and bring it to life yet again. I looked at the clock to decide if I'm going to do this. If I am, I'll need to act fast. I've never actually created a leather jacket before, but I'll give it my best go.

I pull into the driveway for the second time today and jump out, reaching for everything and running to the door. I struggle with the key, but eventually I get in. I kick off my shoes and drop everything except my new materials. I'm like a bat out of hell around the house getting everything I would need. I have the spool of thread, the fabric, the lining material and other odd ends.

I have everything; it's all ready, except now I need the original piece of Billy. I need the jacket. Knowing the smell would do me in, I grab a bunch of tissues and stick them in my nose. It's not a pretty sight but no one should be home for a couple hours to see this.. Hopefully.

I pick up the jacket hardly smelling anything and I start cutting up its different parts. I realize I need a table too so I go to my hall closet and get out a small one and bring it back to my room. I lay all the different parts out on the table and measure each one taking into consideration the rips, cuts, and tears. I lay out each piece on the new leather and begin to cut. I make the pattern almost identical so it's time to sew. I bring my sewing machine to life already feeling at ease from the sound. I remove the tissues from my nose feeling extremely silly, but glad no one randomly walked in to see that. I throw them away and start tackling this major project.

Time seems to have picked up drastically and already an hour and a half has gone by. I load the thread and feed it through the needle on the machine hoping it will cooperate. I feel so accomplished after it goes through on the first try. I now feed it through the bobbin and hope for the best. It takes me a minute but the machine is ready for me. I put it on the appropriate setting and begin.

Another hour has come and gone and I'm finally done sewing all of the pieces together. I hold up the rough jacket and feel so many emotions. It looks just like the one that he used to wear, the one he loved so much. I add the zippers and buttons and other things to make it just the way it needs to be. After another forty-five minutes it's done. It isn't perfect and it is nothing in comparison to the real thing, but it will work and I love it already. I just hope Billy does too…

Speaking of Billy, where are they? I was so caught up in what I was doing I never realized they should have been home by now. I check my pocket for my phone and panic a little not feeling it. I sift through my brain thinking back to when I had it last. I leave my room and go straight towards my bags of stuff. Maybe I left it in my purse… Sure enough after some digging I find it. I press a button bringing it to life and see I have three text messages. All three are from Ben telling me they won't be home for a while. Something about a routine blood test taking a while. I know he's lying and I don't want to think about why he's lying. I push all those thoughts away. Not now.

I head back to my room, my heart crushed. I gather the jacket in my arms and hug it to me. I collapse on my bed loving the leather smell. I was so comfortable and warm...

When I last closed my eyes the sun was setting, but now I see the gray haze of early morning. In my arms still lies the new jacket but when I try to life my face I realize my cheek is stuck to it. I look to the clock next to my bed and see the time: 4:58. It occurs to me that no one woke me up, but they had to be home by now. My heart feels broken at the thought of being forgotten like that. I knew Billy was lying when he told me he'd talk to me when he got back, he truly doesn't think I need to know any of what's going on? My stomach sinks.

I curl up into a ball feeling bad about myself. I cling to the jacket, momentarily thinking about hiding it from Billy. That would be stupid, it's for him.

Then a thought comes to me: What if the reason he didn't wake me is because he only had terrible news to tell me…

Hearing the front door shut shakes me of that thought.  
xxxxx

Sooooo tell me how you feel :) It came to my attention that Jane never washed the jacket (ew..) and that's a very good point. In my mind she grabbed the jacket, had it in Ben's car and brought it into her house on one of her short trips back there. In my mind she spent a good part of her time either at the hospital or at school which means not a lot of time at home to remember the jacket. That's why it sat there with stuff piling on it from when she'd search quickly for something to wear so she could go back and see Billy. That'why it was never cleaned or remembered, more pressing things were happening.

I hope that helps.. lol and again thank you for reading :) It means a lot to me that people are still sticking around for this..


	28. I Learned To Deal Part I

Lol okay well I'm a liar. This isn't the last chapter… technically. I had to split it into two parts because I could not justify giving everyone 6 pages worth.. It's just too much lol

So please, for the second to last time, enjoy this chapter. I know it's been awhile but I wanted this to be perfect.

xxxxxx

My mind is still foggy from it being so early in the morning so maybe I imagined the sound of the front door. I snuggle closer to the new jacket and feel torn again at the thought of Billy not waking me like he said he would. Maybe, the news just wasn't good and that's why he's not telling me… I convince myself of the worst so anything will sound good in comparison.

My back was to my bedroom door when I heard the hinges cry from use. Not sure of what to do I remain where I am. I hope with my whole heart it's my best friend walking through my door. I feel the bed take on the extra weight and that's when I half turn over to see who had entered my room.

Billy.

I sit up slowly and rub my eyes. When I open them they're clear and all I see is my best friend turned boyfriend and I'm so happy. I spring into his arms for a hug. I'm not sure why I'm so relieved to see him, but I am. Who am I kidding? I'm always happy to simply be in his presence, but being best friends with someone for so long does that to a person.

I wrap my arms around his shoulders and I feel his left arm snake around my waist, but his right arm extends out and away. He is wearing his soft brown sweater that I love so much, it's my favorite. I take a few breathes breathing in the scent of it. It's still so soft after so many years. I lean back and see why his arm wasn't around me. He was holding a very hot cup of coffee.

He holds it out to me while I sit close to him, we're facing each other. "For you." He says. He hands it to me and I take it. It's warm in my hands and I bring the lid to my lips. I glance up at Billy and he's trying not to laugh. Feeling self conscious I say, "What? Is there something on my face?" I reach for my cheek and feel the indents… "Oh my god…" I say. I climb off the bed and head straight for my mirror. The whole left side of my face is covered in the red lines from none other than the jacket I worked so hard on. I rub my cheek. "Great." I mutter. I walk back to my bed holding my face and sink down into the bed against my headboard.

Billy speaks while smiling, "No matter what, I think you're cute, but what did that to your face?" I smile letting his words sink in. I blush realizing I have to actually give the jacket to him. I remove my hand and look towards where the jacket lies hidden by my pillows, "Oh… Well, while you were gone I," I paused suddenly very embarrassed. He chuckled, "What?" I took a deep breath, "I recreated your leather jacket…" I realize just how odd that is as I reach under my pillow and hand it to him. "I'm sorry, that's really weird isn't it?" I try hiding behind my coffee cup.

I couldn't see his reaction and he didn't say anything for what seemed like forever. Finally I peek out from behind my cup and he looks so amazed. He looks up from the jacket in his hands and leans towards me, "No Janey, it's… Well it's…" He's struggling to find words that fit this situation. I'm so relieved to know he likes it. He takes my coffee cup from me and puts it on my nightstand. Confused I say, "I'm glad you like-" I'm cut off when he grabs me in his arms and tackles me to the bed. With is face merely inches from my own he whispers, "I love it."

His lips were on mine in an instant and it turned heated pretty quickly. I pulled his face closer and he repositioned himself to be more on top of me. His lips were warm and soft and very inviting. I can taste the coffee and I don't mind. I wonder if I'll ever get used to kissing him. His hands snake to my waist and caress the skin of my tummy. This is the first time since actually being "together" as more than best friends that things have ever gone this far. He's always been confined to… Wait a minute!

I sit up slightly and break our growing kiss which causes him to roll to my right side, "Billy!" I reach to touch his legs. "You're not in your wheelchair!" I am so excited I start crying and lay back down completely overwhelmed with feelings. I wrap my arms around him, burying my face in his chest feeling utterly embarrassed for pointing anything out and totally losing it. Billy held me to him. After a minute he reaches behind him to grab a pillow to put behind his head.

When my sniffles wouldn't stop he asked, "Janey… Did I hurt you or something?" I could hear the freaking out in his voice. He must think when he was on top of me he hurt me or something, oh no. "No no no Billy I'm fine, you didn't hurt me." More sniffling. "So," He says drawing out the word. "Why are you crying?" Should I tell him about me knowing about his possible problem? No. "I don't know…" I say finally. It's true, I'm not sure why I'm crying. I think I told myself he could never walk again so many times that I actually believed it and now that he can walk again… It's too much. I try to hide in his sweater. Great answer Jane…

I sigh changing my mind, "No, I know about your appointment. I know you thought you were… paralyzed." I almost couldn't choke out the word. Billy lifts my chin to look at my face and seems utterly confused, "But how? Ben…" He looked towards the door with murder in his eyes. I put my palm on his chest, "No. I read his text messages… He has no idea I know. I'm sorry… I know you wanted to keep this from me, but you didn't have to! I would be willing to go through anything with you." Thing is me lying here crying isn't helping my point.

He looked sad, "I know… But you've already done so much for me. I didn't want this to push you over the edge. I saw you falling apart, Janey. I wanted to be able to tell you myself after I dealt with it." He wipes at my cheek with his thumb.

My mind is in an outrage, he can't do that. He can't keep things from me. "Billy, you are my best friend and now you're even more than that, but all the same you're still my best friend. We need to tell each other these things. I would have dealt with it with you. I have learned to deal with so much already. I dealt with the thought of you loving someone else, I've dealt with losing my dream job, and I've dealt with almost losing you. Don't keep things from me, or… or… I'm gonna get really mad. Got it Nutter?" I can't think of a worthy threat and we both know I haven't got a vicious bone in my body.

Billy just smiled, "Okay okay… I'm sorry," He kissed my forehead. "But let's be honest here, you couldn't lose me even if you tried. Even death couldn't keep me from you. You know I'm fairly certain you'd follow me into the after life and drag me back here." I slap his arm but smirk with him. I probably would try to anyways.

I sit up looking at the clock. I groan, "Ugh, why is it so damn early?" Billy sits up too, "Hey, at least you got some sleep. I didn't." That reminds me, "Uh, why are you getting in so late? Well early, I guess." I ask. He shrugged, "The tests they ran took forever and then when the doc saw me tapping my toes along with my music he freaked and ran more tests. After a couple hours I was mobile again and they couldn't figure it out. So Ben and I left after a while and he brought me back to my place so I could change. Then we got coffee because I promised you I would wake you up when I got here. I know how lovely you are in the morning…" I laugh. "What are you talking about? I'm such a morning person." I say. Billy scoffs, "Yeah okay tell it to the scar you left on my arm that one morning I woke you up for school." I roll my eyes amused, "Please, that was at like the crack of dawn and I didn't scratch you that hard." We both laugh knowing I totally did.

I lie back on my bed the right way and curl into a ball. A nap sounds amazing right now. "Well, I vote we take a nap." I say already half asleep. "That sounds perfect." He says in return as he stretches out beside me. He puts his hands behind his head and I uncurl myself to pull up the fluffy comforter at the end of my bed and put it over us. I cuddle into his chest.

It wasn't long until I felt his arms relax and settle on top of me and beside him. His whole body is at ease and I hear quiet snoring. I shift ever so lightly to look up at his face. This face is one I've seen for years and yet it looks so different to me now. I look at it now and I don't feel bad for the growing, warm feeling in my stomach. I notice the small amount of stubble on his chin and resist the urge to touch it.

Billy stirs and then turns towards me, burying his face in my wild curls like they're a pillow. I don't mind. I let my own face burrow into the little nook between his neck and shoulder and find warmth there. I meant to stay awake in case Billy needed something, but I fell asleep too.

xxxxxx


	29. I Learned To Deal Part II

As I told Jane-By-Design-Lover, 62 pages, 29 chapters, a bunch of heartbreaking scenes, and a few perfect Billy and Jane moments later... I'm finally finished.

xxxxxx

When I woke up again it was around one in the afternoon and Billy was still out. I very carefully untangled myself from his grasp as to not wake him. I carefully shift my weight off the mattress and tiptoe out of the room, closing the door quietly behind me.

I turn around and, "Hey there Kiddo. Long night?" Ben whispers. I jump out of my skin from being so startled. I walk to the kitchen with Ben behind me, "You could say that. I hear it was longer for you though." He leans against the counter while I wash off some fruit to munch on. Ben nods, "Yeah, those personal appointments take forever." He drags out the word 'forever'.

I debate whether or not to tell him I know. It can't hurt now. I turn around and lean on the sink the same why my brother is, "Ben, I know it wasn't a 'personal appointment'", I put the air quotes around the two words the best of my ability with food occupying my hands. "I found out yesterday before he left." Ben looks at me bewildered, "Crap. He's totally going to think I told you!" I scarf down the rest of the grapes, "No no, he _thought_ that." I remain innocent with my big doe eyes, "I may or may not have… kind of… read your texts." I glanced at my now raging brother. He doesn't say anything but I know he's about to. I leave the kitchen quickly.

He's right on my tail, "Jane?! You can't just throw caution to the wind and go through my phone like that!" He's now whisper yelling at me. I give him my best apology smile before slipping in my room just before he got me. I lean my back against the door thankful for the rule Ben and I made a long time ago about entering our rooms. I look over to my bed and am surprised to see Billy is still asleep.

I smile and look at his cute face. When he's deep asleep, it's like I'm still looking at the little third grader I met so long ago. I go to my bed and sit facing his sleeping form. He's on his back now so I easily put my right arm over his abdomen so I can rest my head for a moment on his chest. He stirs as soon as my ear reaches his chest and I quickly look up. He's looking down at my face with sleep still in his eyes.

"Good morning beautiful." He said in his thick, sleep voice. Even though that greeting whenever he woke up wasn't uncommon I still felt heat rise to my cheeks and those darn butterflies in my stomach. I giggle that very embarrassing giggle, "Good," I glance at my clock forgetting the time. "Afternoon, handsome." I loved the feeling of being able to be like this with Billy. It feels natural and right. He wraps his arms around me in a bear hug and I can't say I mind.

I break the hug knowing we can't be in here all day. Well, we _could_ but that would lead us somewhere I know I'm not ready to go. Remembering Ben I know I can't go out there either… "Hey, do you want to go for a walk?" I ask, it was the first thing to come to my mind. He sat up a little not even having to think about it, "I would love to walk anywhere with you." I lean forward and put my lips on his quickly. I blush madly, "You're too sweet to me, yano that?" He shrugged, "I like to think my charm will get me some wildly rich lady someday." Oh Billy. I smack his arm much like when he told me he told Nick to "not touch my boobs". I roll my eyes and he just laughs.

He wraps me in his arms once more, "I'm just kidding Janey. Besides I have you and that's plenty. I mean unless some wildly rich lady can persuade me otherwise." I shake my head and smirk. "You're simply too much, Nutter." I get up. "Now if you don't mind I'm going to get dressed. In the mean time maybe some 'wildly rich lady' will come and sweep you off your feet." You know, we were having a very nice moment and now I find I'm jealous of this fake, unnecessary joke. I go to my walk-in closet and shut the doors behind me. I go for some comfy yoga pants and a t-shirt. I look down at my floor and see a familiar sweatshirt. I pick it up and bring it to my nose remembering the heartbreak from the last time I had it. I put it on as well.

I go back to my room to find Billy standing in front of my full length mirror in his new leather jacket. He turns to me, "Janey… This is perfect." He was getting emotional over this and I could tell. When he turns back around I come up behind him and wrap my arms around his torso. I speak quietly, "I wanted to do something for you and I know how much the original one meant. I'm so happy you love it." He intertwined his fingers in mine, "Thank you. Trust me, this jacket means way more than the other one ever did."

Feeling the moment was getting to be too much for him I take his hand and pull him away from the mirror and out of my room. I quickly walk to the door with Billy close behind me. I call over my shoulder for wherever Ben may be, "Bye Ben! We're going for a walk!" I grab my comfortable shoes by the door and push Billy out of the door. While walking I stumble trying to put the shoes on.

We get into a normal walking rhythm and I slip my arm around Billy's. He says, "Yano, this whole walking thing is really, really awesome." I chuckle, "It is isn't it?" We fall into a nice silence, enjoying the brisk afternoon until we reach the local park. A lot of memories come flooding back of this place.

When we were around ten or so we came to this part like usual and I started racing him to the swings. He tripped and got a bloody nose. Poor kid still isn't over having to be nursed back to health by a girl.

I stop walking which causes Billy to stop and I look up at him, "Race ya!" I squeal and start running. He calls, "What? No Janey not fair!" He whined. I look behind me to see he's actually not far and is going to win if I don't pick up speed. When it was neck and neck I managed to pull through and make it to the swings first.

Completely out of breath I plop down on an open swing and start laughing uncontrollably. He drops to the ground in front of me, "Totally not fair Janey, you cheated." His whining is making me laugh harder and I can't really breathe. In the midst of my laugher I squeak out, "Maybe your wildly rich lady will come by and sue me." I'm mocking him now and I don't even feel bad. He laughs along with me, "She will because I called her using this high tech thingy she gave me. Yup she's on her way and you are totally busted."

We laughed for a while trying to catch our breaths, just the two of us being silly little kids again. I hear the crunching of the woodchips right behind me and turn around to see none other than Zoe. We grow up immediately. She had her hands stuffed in the pockets of her light gray leather jacket. Her black skinny jeans were tucked into her black ankle boots. A part of me wants to think I'll never compare to her, but another knows Billy thinks I'm worth it. It's time to find out.

"Hey guys." She says while kicking at the ground. These two need this, I shouldn't be here. I know she wouldn't cheat on Billy, she's not that kind of girl and even though it was only a dream I know it's true. I get off the swing, "Hey Zoe. I'm gonna go sit over there, you two need to talk." I smile at Zoe trying to convey to her I know the truth and I don't hate her. I walk around Billy, but he's quick to grab my hand and stand up. "No Jane, stay." He begs me. No matter how much I want to stay, this is between them and I need to give them the chance to make things okay. I gently let his hand go, "I'm only going to be right over there," I point to a bench not far from where we stand and I kiss him on the cheek whispering, "Talk to her."

I leave them to get everything out and hope Zoe tells him the truth. If not, I will, but then again I guess I really didn't know 100%. I walk to the bench and sit myself down. I take out my phone to play a game to pass the time. When I unlock the screen I see I have two missed messages. I open them and they read:

Hello Jane, I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you. Call me soon I have something to ask you.  
-Jeremy

I'm sorry to pester you Jane, but it is rather important you get back to me. Talk to you soon.  
-Jeremy

Jeremy? But I haven't heard from him in months… I call him back as soon as my fingers can allow.

_Ringing…_

" 'Ello?" I hear his sweet sounding British accent.  
"Hey Jeremy, it's Jane. I got your texts, what's going on?" It feels weird talking so nonchalantly to him.  
"Oh yes, Jane! How have you been darling?" I smile, oh that charming man. Some things never change.  
"I have been very well. Well, except things with Donovan Decker didn't work out."  
"Yes, I heard that too. How is that delinquent doing?" I heard his chuckling so I didn't take offense; however I do feel the need to stick up for him.  
"Jeremy…" I say in a warning tone. "He's fine, almost as good as new."  
"Well, Jane let's cut to the chase shall we? I have something I want to ask you." For a moment I freak out unsure of what he wants to ask.  
"Okay… What's on your mind?"

"See I started my own company a few months ago and things are really picking up. So, I wanted to know if you would like to be my creative assistant. You'd be designing Jane, doing what you love. I know you're still in high school and that's okay. We can conference call or video call until you graduate and then you can move here, to London."

"London? Jeremy…" I freak out internally. But what about my life here? Can I accept this? I have so many things to consider like Billy and Ben and my whole life.

Jeremy interrupts my thoughts after I've been quiet for a few seconds, "I know this is a lot." I hear him talk to someone on the other end and then he comes back to the phone, "Ah, Jane I hate to cut this short, but I must go. I would love to talk to you more about this though. Just think about it, yeah? We'll keep in touch. Goodbye Jane." And that was that.

I let my hand slide my phone from my ear to my lap and I stare at it in shock. I was just offered my dream job, but in London… I can't ask Billy to move there with me…

"Hey." I hear and see Billy slide from the other end of the bench to my end and put his arm around me. He kisses my temple, "Thank you." I forget my crazy life for a moment. I smile, "You're welcome. How'd it go?" Billy shrugs, "Fine. She didn't cheat on me. She said she just wanted to see us have a chance." I lay my head on his shoulder, "I had a feeling that's what she'd say." "So you believe her?" He asks. I shift my eyes up, "You don't? She's not that kind of girl, Billy. You should believe her." "Well, either way, I finally have you and that's just fine with me." He touches his lips to mine for a quick second. Too quick if you ask me.

I reach up to bring his face back to mine and have my way with him. I know this could be the last kiss we share before I talk to him about Jeremy…

In the course of a year my life has changed in so many ways. I've learned to deal with my fair share of circumstances and I wouldn't go back to them for anything. You can't run away from your problems, you have to face them or they will haunt you. You can't go hide and hope everything will pass because it won't. Things will get worse and worse until you confront it. Heartbreak happens, don't let it ruin you. I found my boyfriend in my best friend and I should have seen it years ago. If I to go through learning to deal, so can you.

xxxxxx

Okay.. everyone.. I just can't think you all enough. I know writing this story has made me feel a lot better about the cancellation. I still am heartbroken, don't get me wrong, but I'm over it kind of... I know it won't come back *ignore need to say 'not with that attitude' here*. You all are the best fandom there is and abc family has simply missed out. Gosh I'm like getting emotional.. haha I had so much to say but now I'm like wahhhh so.. Just.. thank you. You inspired this. As corny as I'm about to sound, I hope you still remember that life is a work of art and it can be inspiring. Find a dream, go after it, love it.

I love youtube for letting me replay a certain playlist a million times during this. It's the only thing that has made this work.

Super side note, I'm sorry. If anyone wants to write a whole new summary for this story that'd be great. Lord knows I've gone so far off the path of where I first intended it to go.

Okay, so for the last time on Learning To Deal, feel free to rant. Let's rant together. Just because I'm over it doesn't mean I still won't yell at the top of my lungs my hatred for all things abc family. Thank you so much for sticking with me, you are all beautiful.


	30. Author's Note

Okay I know I know I know this story is over and it has been for awhile, but you guys.. Even after the story is finished I am still getting wonderful reviews and such kind people are taking the time to read this and I just.. You don't know what that means to me. So I am incredibly sorry for updating this story even though it's over, but I thought you all should know how incredibly AMAZING you are. Even if you are just reading, you are the best in the world. I mean that.

To all the guest reviewers… I wish I could have talked to you! I think there should be a messaging option for guests.. but now I'm getting off topic. Especially the latest guest reviewer, I still want to rant with you so make an account and PM me! Let me love the crap out of you for your wonderful review!

Okay, so I don't plan on updating this story ever again so for those that are reading this as a guest, it literally takes like 5 minutes not even to make an account.. Even if not for my story, do it for the other stories you are reading so those authors can also talk to you!

So.. Thank you. You all are perfect and I could not have asked for a better fandom to get into. I can't thank you guys enough, I really can't.

Okay okay I'm going to stop now


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